Bum roll, please

Sloooooow, luxurious, left to right circle of the arse whilst leant over the chair, facing away from the audience.

Quick little punctuating circle of the arse, still leaning over.

Slooooow, sassy, deliberate left to right circle of the arse again... and then a sudden, sharp, stop.

Aaaaah, it makes our sequins fair twinkle with delight to see this little section of the routine come together. Gusset after gusset (don't worry showgirls, your modesty is still intact) stretches away from the front of the class to the back, all in perfect synchronicity. Pure poetry in motion, even if some of the words to that poem might be a bit suggestive.

Yes, we will master the taking off of the glove under the toes. Yes, we will master the windmilling of legs open and wide. Yes, we will definitely master the left, right, left, right coordinated glove and wiggle move. You're doing a cracking job, my lovelies - the routine is gently smoking already.

Yours, fanning our fripperies,

Burlicious x

Thinking mistressly ahead

The Voluptuous Jules was out of action last night. Instead of being our rear showgirl (in more ways than one), dancing at the back to demonstrate moves whenever we turn the troupe around, she settled into the role of being a stern task mistress and demanding audience.

“Don’t look at me!” she chastised the troupe, every time a showgirl made the mistake of looking up during the early part of the routine in which we make no eye contact. “NOW look at me!”

Frankly, this demonstrated what I have always claimed, which is that we could squeeze those delicious curves into a sheath of skin tight, studded black PVC and make a fortune out of her as a cracking dominatrix. At last, our retirement fund is secured. J

She also rose effortlessly to the task of getting the slow, quick, slow arse waggling to be coordinated across all our showgirls, while I shouted random body parts from the front of the troupe to keep the timing tight.

I tell you, the start of that routine looks fabulous already – “You’re all looking very naughty”, says Jules, repeatedly to our gorgeous showgirls. High praise indeed.

Yours, working on an itinerary for her worldwide tour,

Burlicious x