11 Apr 2019

Are you sitting comfortably?

The weather knows that it is not a Burlicious week. Almost as soon as we broke up for the Easter holiday it became more grey and dull. It must be because the midweek sparkle and frippery of a Burlicious class is missing.

We are nearing the end of our current routine. Having rolled around the floor doing The Full Midwife (as it is now known), we regain our feet, twist smoothly to the left, and launch into a second chair routine. For a chunk of this, the troupe is facing the back of the stage. This means that I have the treat of being behind them (at the front of the stage) and seeing what it all looks like.

Oooooh, but bits of this are lovely.

I know it sounds immodest, given I was one of the Burlicious Three who designed this thing, but it is hard to get across how amazing it looks to see our moves come to life, danced by multiple showgirls working in time with each other. What we thought would work suddenly exceeds our expectations and becomes a synchronicity of human beauty.

Of course, we will all have forgotten what we are doing by the time term restarts again. The level of individual interpretation will rocket and it will all get a bit more freestyle for a while!

Yours, looking forward to our next weekly shot of colour and laughs,

Burlicious x

16 Mar 2019

Beetle mania

It's fair to say that the lovely little hall that we use for class has its drawbacks. For a routine like our current one, the nubbly red plastic chairs that we are using are a tad, shall we say, sub optimal.

Our own Burlicious chairs have seats of solid, polished wood. These produce a fantastic slide surface for some of our moves. The red plastic chairs, by contrast, have rather too much grip.

So, a move designed on our own chairs, on which we can glide round from one side to the other with our feet off the ground and our legs in the air, translates into a rather more staccato move on our red plastic numbers. The specially designed non-slip surface of the hall chairs mean that, although I did manage to slide round gamely from left to right. legs up in the air twinkling away, my knickers did not.

It does detract a little from the sexiness of any dance to have to stand up and hoick yer drawers up vigorously partway through. It also makes those of us sticking to our chairs as we travel look a little like upended beetles, legs furiously thrashing up and down as we try to swivel from side to side.

Ah well, beauty through effort, showgirls, beauty through effort.

Yours, tending slightly grated buttocks,

Burlicious x

1 Mar 2019

Not quite like clockwork

Teaching a dance routine while lying flat on one's back and waving one's legs about is not easy.

Learning a dance routine while lying flat on one's back and waving one's legs about is much harder.

The nature of the situation is that the troupe can't see what I am doing so they can't cue in to my moves as they learn, and I can't see what they are doing so I don't know what is working and what... er... isn't.

So we posted the Sparkly Bra Pixie at the front of the class to stand, observe and shout instructions while I rolled around on the floor with the best of them. Her feedback at times is to the point - "shut yer legs!" she shouts as she watches a sea of legs waving like little anemones entirely to their own rhythm.

As I get to my feet after each mini bit of routine, I am treated to the mayhem that is behind me. One showgirl is lying there, slowly mouthing to herself "one... two... " as if she is in her first "learn my numbers" class at school. Another is legs akimbo in a new move that she has christened "the full midwife". Another can't work out why, when she pops her gloved hands between her closed thighs, she can't draw off her glove by clenching it with her thighs alone. Turns out she is one of those superhuman creatures who has a thigh gap. Another is doing the knicker flicking off move (don't worry - no drawers are removed in this routine. This is a clever glove thing instead) upside down, as if she were flicking them on and not off.

It's an hour of mirth; femaleness; car crash, smart wit, sisterhood; and smut and daftness. It sets me up a treat for the rest of the week, it really does.

Yours, working the full midwife into the next routine,

Burlicious x


17 Feb 2019

ROFL

Seriously. That's where we have got to in this current routine.

We get down to the floor. We snake about a bit. We roll over indolently. We open and shut legs like pairs of snippety fleshy scissors. And then we get up again.

Or not.



Actually, when we do reach the point where we teach the move we have designed for getting elegantly to the feet again, our troupe will look lovely. We're not at that part yet and so, each time we practise doing the floor rolling, our showgirls then have to get to their feet any old how so they are ready to practise getting down on the floor and rolling about again.

Hence the laughter in the "ROFL"above ... and the groaning. And the "oooh, me knees". And the swearing. And the clambering back up the chair as if hauling oneself up a mountain. Elegant? No. Entertaining? Oh yes.

Currently we could take this one on the road, performing at homes for the elderly. I think they would recognise the moves... if not the accompanying instructions to: "shut yer legs!"

It's a positive tonic dancing with our lot every week, it really is.

Yours, on half-term,

Burlicious x


7 Feb 2019

A new move a day keeps the doctor away

The body is a mysterious thing. It's particularly puzzling when you ask it to do something new.

It's fair to say that, in our day-to-day life, there isn't much call for what we Burlicious three refer to as "tit rotations". This is not the twirling with tassels of the stripping burlesque performer. This is a drawing of a horizontal circle with the ribs - front, side, back, side - with the tits perkily leading the way, with emphasis in one particular direction to the beat, and with the lower half of the body still.

Coming to grips with it is a hilarious process.

Looking around the troupe as it test drove this move initially last night, there were showgirls with jaws and chin unconsciously following the same circular motion as the chest; showgirls staring  down in utter concentration and perplexity at their own tits, wondering how to get them started; showgirls lurching dangerously from side to side... and behind them all was the Voluptuous Jules, whose own marvellous bazoom punched emphatic circles all by itself as if the rest of her body were not involved.

An utter delight, Dear Reader, an utter delight.

And this was before we got down on all fours for the "low shoulders arse waggle" - oh yes.

Still, they say that new stuff is good for the brain!

Yours, positively brimming with mental sharpness,

Burlicious x

31 Jan 2019

Engage brain, flap feet

It is a key part of the Burlicious philosophy that nobody, but nobody, who comes to our class should ever feel judged. There are plenty of opportunities in the rest of life to feel inadequate, a bit rubbish, not up to some sort of impossible-to-achieve ideal - and we don't want an hour spent with Burlicious to be one of them. It's key to who we are and what we are doing that our lovely showgirls should feel good and enjoy themselves when they are dancing with us.

That's why it is so deliciously, ineffably, liberatingly joyous when it is one of we Burlicious three who b*ggers up the routine. Last night it was me. In all fairness, of the three of us, it is always more likely than not that it will be me.

It's a simple move. Sit at the side of the chair. Draw feet off floor - knees bent, heels near derriere. Straighten right leg to the ceiling, then left, then right... ideally in time with the slow, deliberate beats of the music. Then swivel on one's derriere to the left side of the chair, knees still in and feet still off floor, straightening the legs up as you go - left, right, left, right.... FAST. In an ideal world, one then arrives at the opposite side of the chair, right leg up, ready to lower it slowly to the floor.

Unless you really can't catch the first beat accurately. And I couldn't. I just couldn't. So my legs were flapping up and down all over the place to their very own beat.

I started late. I started early. Sometimes I started precisely on time... but I didn't really know how I had done it. And, yes, it's a tad frustrating. But more than that, it is genuinely hilarious to be so foxed by something so simple, over and over, and to be royally b*ggering it up in front of a troupe of women who laugh with you and not at you.

I do love you, showgirls. I love it that you are so accepting when I say: "don't follow me on this bit. I don't know what I'm doing." It's such a good place to be and it's making me smile as I type this.

Yours, thinking very firmly "DA DA DA da da da DA da da...",

Burlicious x

27 Jan 2019

New term, new routine, same gentle hilarity

Darlings, after a slow start to the year, we are finally launched on a new term and a cracking new routine. 

Fear not, those of you who missed this rapturous launch last week. We're only one week in and you know what it's like at the start - there is still plenty of time for you to catch up. Which is just as well... because we Burlicious Three have yet to finish designing the thing! :-)

We took a pragmatic decision to launch the first two thirds of this routine while the final third is still brewing in the choreography lab. It's fair to say that we Burlicious Three only just learned the first two thirds by the skin of our teeth before appearing in class to show it to the troupe. Add to that the fact that a smattering of injuries between us means that we can't all do all the moves at the moment, and you can understand why we are not exactly performing at an intimidating level of perfection....ha ha!

Still, the new routine is fun. And it looks fantastic with a troupe doing the first marionette-style piece in clockwork crispness.

It's good to be back in harness, showgirls. Corset on, gloves unrolled, pick up those heels and smile!

Yours, delighting in the daftness,

Burlicious x

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