19 Dec 2019

And relax...!

Another term sashays to a close. Long satin gloves are rolled up. Boas are gathered. Outfits are repaired, re-twinkled and stored. And we Burlicious Three and our lovely showgirls can set our mind to forgetting what we were dancing only yesterday. :-)

Which is a shame, really, because we are now within a feather's breadth of finishing this routine. However, I predict that we'll all return to it in January, a little bit more freestyle than is actually choreographed, and a mite confused, but with plenty of pizzazz and sparkle.

Showgirls, we plan to finish Roxanne in the first class back, which is Weds 8th January. We'll then start the next routine on Weds 15th January.

In the meantime, have a fun, frivolous, love-filled Christmas. May your fishnet stockings be temptingly filled and your glass be never empty.

Yours, letting out the corsets in preparation,

Burlicious x

29 Nov 2019

Your antidote to the pre-Christmas frenzy

In that tricky run up to Christmas, when diaries are overloaded and the rhythm of the week goes to pot, we're strutting ahead with a little cracker of a routine.

Our "Roxanne" is a remake of one of our very first creations. We've kept the tango sulky dismissiveness. We've kept the sassy stamping and the stalking about. We've kept the streetwalking with attitude.

What we have cut is the joyously bonkers freestyle ending with windmilling boas and gloves going everywhere. Yeah, we know that some of you loved it. And, oh, my word, was it superb for working up a sweat! However, we've gone for something a bit more choreographed but still with plenty of oomph.

Come and see what we have done with it and treat yourself to an hour's mind-clearing stamp about with us :-) .

Yours, striding tempestuously into December,

Burlicious x

7 Nov 2019

Glory Box

"Move over, and give us some room" goes the Portishead track to which we finished dancing last night.

And, oh, does our troupe deserve that room and attention!

The finished routine is subtly sexy, beautiful, powerful and assertive. It's one of those that felt quite nice when we Burlicious Three were in the design stages and that then suddenly looks amazing after a few weeks' practice when the troupe is dancing it well.

Sultry low eye contact. Crisp opening and closing of legs while seated. Sleek use of evening gloves to suggest satin handcuffs then blindfold. Then strong, big, "in charge" moves at the end. It's all woman,

Next week we launch a slightly remade version of an old favourite - "Roxanne". If you want to start a new routine with us from the very beginning, Wednesday 13th November is your ideal chance. Do join us.

Loving your work, Showgirls, just loving your work,

Burlicious x

24 Oct 2019

Whip out yer sequins!

Shake out yer satins. Fluff up that boa. Smooth on those fishnets. Slip into yer stillies.

Bewitch yourself together a delicious and inappropriate outfit... 'cos we're back!

Term starts again this coming Wednesday, 30th October, my little strumpets, and we look forward to seeing you in class to strut your stuff in your cheeky finest.

Yours, wondering about Spandex as a showgirl look for a post-holiday belly,

Burlicious x

3 Oct 2019

Rattle them tin cans, we're coming through ...

According to wedding tradition, the ten year anniversary is tin, or aluminium. Well, we Burlicious Three have been wedded to Burlicious and our delicious Burlicious troupe for a tad over ten years now, so bring on those cans!.

Ten years!

Ten years of dancing with fabulous women as we strut and shimmy and smoulder and sass.

Ten years of adorable, ridiculous, feathers and satins and sequins, stockings and fishnets and heels.

Ten years of laughs in class, glamour on stage and wowing a variety of audiences, public and private, indoors and out.

Ten years of seeing confidence grow and women having a ball as they do their own thing, for themselves, in a safe place with lots of laughter.

We have long quipped that we're the oldest showgirls in town, and that we'll still be doing this when they cart us off to the care home. We are tickled pink by the idea that we might work our way towards a disgraceful, Saga-licious future.

So, thank you showgirls, for being a part of this with us. Whether you no longer dance with us; you have just joined us; you can only be with us now and then; or whether you have been a part of Burlicious right from the very start - you're all mission critical to us and to what we do, and we are chuffed to bits to have shared this with you.

Yours, still hot to trot,

Burlicious x

19 Sept 2019

Bum roll, please

Sloooooow, luxurious, left to right circle of the arse whilst leant over the chair, facing away from the audience.

Quick little punctuating circle of the arse, still leaning over.

Slooooow, sassy, deliberate left to right circle of the arse again... and then a sudden, sharp, stop.

Aaaaah, it makes our sequins fair twinkle with delight to see this little section of the routine come together. Gusset after gusset (don't worry showgirls, your modesty is still intact) stretches away from the front of the class to the back, all in perfect synchronicity. Pure poetry in motion, even if some of the words to that poem might be a bit suggestive.

Yes, we will master the taking off of the glove under the toes. Yes, we will master the windmilling of legs open and wide. Yes, we will definitely master the left, right, left, right coordinated glove and wiggle move. You're doing a cracking job, my lovelies - the routine is gently smoking already.

Yours, fanning our fripperies,

Burlicious x

12 Sept 2019

Thinking mistressly ahead

The Voluptuous Jules was out of action last night. Instead of being our rear showgirl (in more ways than one), dancing at the back to demonstrate moves whenever we turn the troupe around, she settled into the role of being a stern task mistress and demanding audience.

“Don’t look at me!” she chastised the troupe, every time a showgirl made the mistake of looking up during the early part of the routine in which we make no eye contact. “NOW look at me!”

Frankly, this demonstrated what I have always claimed, which is that we could squeeze those delicious curves into a sheath of skin tight, studded black PVC and make a fortune out of her as a cracking dominatrix. At last, our retirement fund is secured. J

She also rose effortlessly to the task of getting the slow, quick, slow arse waggling to be coordinated across all our showgirls, while I shouted random body parts from the front of the troupe to keep the timing tight.

I tell you, the start of that routine looks fabulous already – “You’re all looking very naughty”, says Jules, repeatedly to our gorgeous showgirls. High praise indeed.

Yours, working on an itinerary for her worldwide tour,

Burlicious x

21 Aug 2019

On your marks. Get set....

Shake out yer boas.

Re-lace those corsets.

Shine up yer sequins.

Yes, glamour, giggles and gorgeousness galore are about to return.

Class starts again on Wednesday 4th September, showgirls, so roll up and get raunchy!

Yours, laundering gloves (but not the boas J )

Burlicious x

18 Jul 2019

Hot to trot

We positively galloped through the routine last night, determined to complete it and to see it off in style as this is the last week of term.

Like the thoroughbreds that they are, the troupe cantered through each piece of the routine, with no refusals (although there were some slightly mutinous pouts when it came to the boa routine, which involves rolling around on the floor and, sometimes, getting inadvertently bondaged in one's boa).

It was a positive triumph.

But sweaty.

And a bit hot.

And sweaty.

Did we mention the whole sweatiness thing?


Still, what could be nicer than having a slippery showgirl slide through one's fingers, eh?

See you for class in September, showgirls, and for frolics before then.

Yours, airing our furbelows (whatever they may be),

Burlicious x

11 Jul 2019

Recapturing our youth

One of the lovely things about a Wednesday night class is the opportunity it affords us to be a bit daft and to decompress a tad in the middle of what can otherwise be a hectic, demanding or stressful week for many of us.

The dancing helps.

The laughter and the daftness help even more.

And we can use the standard of our humour as a reliable barometer of how tough the week is being. At the moment, we are finding ourselves crackingly funny at a level of humour that is definitely for the playground. We're delighting in a whole load of innocent cock jokes that would bring a frown to our face if we heard a seven year old say them.

Even so, it surprised us last night when the Sparkly Bra Pixie found on the hall floor a lone scrap of paper. In newsprint on one side it said "obscene". In highlighter pen on the other side it said "weird".

Nope, we've no idea either. It absolutely can't be anything to do with us.

Yours, letting ourselves down,

Burlicious x

20 Jun 2019

All stand, please

Last week's class was small, but perfectly formed. Which is more than can be said for one of the moves.

Sensitive readers, please stop here. Any reader who is not comfortable with a bit of slightly smutty chat, please come back to us next week when we shall endeavour to be more refined.

Last week saw us wrestling with a move that hints rather heavily at an erect penis.

Now, this is done in the best possible taste by using a length of feather boa at fanny height, and pulling it suddenly up and out in a friendly salute.

Admittedly, yer average feather boa is not what one might call firm. So there are challenges in this move. But, oh my, the raucous one liners that we produced about the fact that some "cocks" were drooping; some launched themselves from waist level; and some failed to stand up on time at all, bursting into action too early or too late. The timing was inconsistent enough that we decided that I should just yell: "COCK!" at the appropriate moment as a cue.

Puerile, we know. But bloomin' funny.

Yes, we're sure that the professional showgirls don't do it this way. But who's having the better laugh, we ask?

Yours, prescribing laughter against the pressures of everyday life,

Burlicious x

23 May 2019

Bum roll, please

"Ta da da da DA" - goes the music.

Right left right left RIGHT - is what a curvaceousness of bums should be doing as the troupe is bent over, flat back, straight legs, posterior to the audience.


Except that the music is really quite fast.

And distinguishing right from left isn't everybody's strength.

So the whole thing at this early stage of learning the routine is currently, shall we say, a little more freestyle than it is intended to be?

On the other hand, the hat management at the start of the routine is looking fab - crisp, calm, collected. We love it when a plan comes together, we really do.

No class next week, Showgirls, so we'll next see you for speed bum waggling on 5th June.

Yours, happy in our wagglin',

Burlicious x

9 May 2019

A triumphant finale

Teaching of the current routine has come to a close. Last night we brought to a delicious Burlicious climax the work of many weeks.

We twirled on our posterior. We flashed the full midwife. We cracked gloves to attention. We snaked legs open. We snapped them shut. We straddled chairs, turned chairs, caressed chairs, slithered off chairs and flopped over chairs. 

Ungratefully, a chair or two paid back all this loving attention by ripping showgirl tights to shreds, but that's chairs for you. Disloyal.

And, our less than perfect hall floor did manage to deliver a few splinters. As one of our beauties remarked: "There's nothing like finishing a Wednesday evening with small pricks in your hands." 


So, showgirls, next week a new routine. Hats and gloves, girls, in the very best tradition of Miss Jean Brodie.

Yours, preparing for the next little gem of a routine,

Burlicious x

11 Apr 2019

Are you sitting comfortably?

The weather knows that it is not a Burlicious week. Almost as soon as we broke up for the Easter holiday it became more grey and dull. It must be because the midweek sparkle and frippery of a Burlicious class is missing.

We are nearing the end of our current routine. Having rolled around the floor doing The Full Midwife (as it is now known), we regain our feet, twist smoothly to the left, and launch into a second chair routine. For a chunk of this, the troupe is facing the back of the stage. This means that I have the treat of being behind them (at the front of the stage) and seeing what it all looks like.

Oooooh, but bits of this are lovely.

I know it sounds immodest, given I was one of the Burlicious Three who designed this thing, but it is hard to get across how amazing it looks to see our moves come to life, danced by multiple showgirls working in time with each other. What we thought would work suddenly exceeds our expectations and becomes a synchronicity of human beauty.

Of course, we will all have forgotten what we are doing by the time term restarts again. The level of individual interpretation will rocket and it will all get a bit more freestyle for a while!

Yours, looking forward to our next weekly shot of colour and laughs,

Burlicious x

16 Mar 2019

Beetle mania

It's fair to say that the lovely little hall that we use for class has its drawbacks. For a routine like our current one, the nubbly red plastic chairs that we are using are a tad, shall we say, sub optimal.

Our own Burlicious chairs have seats of solid, polished wood. These produce a fantastic slide surface for some of our moves. The red plastic chairs, by contrast, have rather too much grip.

So, a move designed on our own chairs, on which we can glide round from one side to the other with our feet off the ground and our legs in the air, translates into a rather more staccato move on our red plastic numbers. The specially designed non-slip surface of the hall chairs mean that, although I did manage to slide round gamely from left to right. legs up in the air twinkling away, my knickers did not.

It does detract a little from the sexiness of any dance to have to stand up and hoick yer drawers up vigorously partway through. It also makes those of us sticking to our chairs as we travel look a little like upended beetles, legs furiously thrashing up and down as we try to swivel from side to side.

Ah well, beauty through effort, showgirls, beauty through effort.

Yours, tending slightly grated buttocks,

Burlicious x

1 Mar 2019

Not quite like clockwork

Teaching a dance routine while lying flat on one's back and waving one's legs about is not easy.

Learning a dance routine while lying flat on one's back and waving one's legs about is much harder.

The nature of the situation is that the troupe can't see what I am doing so they can't cue in to my moves as they learn, and I can't see what they are doing so I don't know what is working and what... er... isn't.

So we posted the Sparkly Bra Pixie at the front of the class to stand, observe and shout instructions while I rolled around on the floor with the best of them. Her feedback at times is to the point - "shut yer legs!" she shouts as she watches a sea of legs waving like little anemones entirely to their own rhythm.

As I get to my feet after each mini bit of routine, I am treated to the mayhem that is behind me. One showgirl is lying there, slowly mouthing to herself "one... two... " as if she is in her first "learn my numbers" class at school. Another is legs akimbo in a new move that she has christened "the full midwife". Another can't work out why, when she pops her gloved hands between her closed thighs, she can't draw off her glove by clenching it with her thighs alone. Turns out she is one of those superhuman creatures who has a thigh gap. Another is doing the knicker flicking off move (don't worry - no drawers are removed in this routine. This is a clever glove thing instead) upside down, as if she were flicking them on and not off.

It's an hour of mirth; femaleness; car crash, smart wit, sisterhood; and smut and daftness. It sets me up a treat for the rest of the week, it really does.

Yours, working the full midwife into the next routine,

Burlicious x

17 Feb 2019


Seriously. That's where we have got to in this current routine.

We get down to the floor. We snake about a bit. We roll over indolently. We open and shut legs like pairs of snippety fleshy scissors. And then we get up again.

Or not.

Actually, when we do reach the point where we teach the move we have designed for getting elegantly to the feet again, our troupe will look lovely. We're not at that part yet and so, each time we practise doing the floor rolling, our showgirls then have to get to their feet any old how so they are ready to practise getting down on the floor and rolling about again.

Hence the laughter in the "ROFL"above ... and the groaning. And the "oooh, me knees". And the swearing. And the clambering back up the chair as if hauling oneself up a mountain. Elegant? No. Entertaining? Oh yes.

Currently we could take this one on the road, performing at homes for the elderly. I think they would recognise the moves... if not the accompanying instructions to: "shut yer legs!"

It's a positive tonic dancing with our lot every week, it really is.

Yours, on half-term,

Burlicious x

7 Feb 2019

A new move a day keeps the doctor away

The body is a mysterious thing. It's particularly puzzling when you ask it to do something new.

It's fair to say that, in our day-to-day life, there isn't much call for what we Burlicious three refer to as "tit rotations". This is not the twirling with tassels of the stripping burlesque performer. This is a drawing of a horizontal circle with the ribs - front, side, back, side - with the tits perkily leading the way, with emphasis in one particular direction to the beat, and with the lower half of the body still.

Coming to grips with it is a hilarious process.

Looking around the troupe as it test drove this move initially last night, there were showgirls with jaws and chin unconsciously following the same circular motion as the chest; showgirls staring  down in utter concentration and perplexity at their own tits, wondering how to get them started; showgirls lurching dangerously from side to side... and behind them all was the Voluptuous Jules, whose own marvellous bazoom punched emphatic circles all by itself as if the rest of her body were not involved.

An utter delight, Dear Reader, an utter delight.

And this was before we got down on all fours for the "low shoulders arse waggle" - oh yes.

Still, they say that new stuff is good for the brain!

Yours, positively brimming with mental sharpness,

Burlicious x

31 Jan 2019

Engage brain, flap feet

It is a key part of the Burlicious philosophy that nobody, but nobody, who comes to our class should ever feel judged. There are plenty of opportunities in the rest of life to feel inadequate, a bit rubbish, not up to some sort of impossible-to-achieve ideal - and we don't want an hour spent with Burlicious to be one of them. It's key to who we are and what we are doing that our lovely showgirls should feel good and enjoy themselves when they are dancing with us.

That's why it is so deliciously, ineffably, liberatingly joyous when it is one of we Burlicious three who b*ggers up the routine. Last night it was me. In all fairness, of the three of us, it is always more likely than not that it will be me.

It's a simple move. Sit at the side of the chair. Draw feet off floor - knees bent, heels near derriere. Straighten right leg to the ceiling, then left, then right... ideally in time with the slow, deliberate beats of the music. Then swivel on one's derriere to the left side of the chair, knees still in and feet still off floor, straightening the legs up as you go - left, right, left, right.... FAST. In an ideal world, one then arrives at the opposite side of the chair, right leg up, ready to lower it slowly to the floor.

Unless you really can't catch the first beat accurately. And I couldn't. I just couldn't. So my legs were flapping up and down all over the place to their very own beat.

I started late. I started early. Sometimes I started precisely on time... but I didn't really know how I had done it. And, yes, it's a tad frustrating. But more than that, it is genuinely hilarious to be so foxed by something so simple, over and over, and to be royally b*ggering it up in front of a troupe of women who laugh with you and not at you.

I do love you, showgirls. I love it that you are so accepting when I say: "don't follow me on this bit. I don't know what I'm doing." It's such a good place to be and it's making me smile as I type this.

Yours, thinking very firmly "DA DA DA da da da DA da da...",

Burlicious x

27 Jan 2019

New term, new routine, same gentle hilarity

Darlings, after a slow start to the year, we are finally launched on a new term and a cracking new routine. 

Fear not, those of you who missed this rapturous launch last week. We're only one week in and you know what it's like at the start - there is still plenty of time for you to catch up. Which is just as well... because we Burlicious Three have yet to finish designing the thing! :-)

We took a pragmatic decision to launch the first two thirds of this routine while the final third is still brewing in the choreography lab. It's fair to say that we Burlicious Three only just learned the first two thirds by the skin of our teeth before appearing in class to show it to the troupe. Add to that the fact that a smattering of injuries between us means that we can't all do all the moves at the moment, and you can understand why we are not exactly performing at an intimidating level of perfection....ha ha!

Still, the new routine is fun. And it looks fantastic with a troupe doing the first marionette-style piece in clockwork crispness.

It's good to be back in harness, showgirls. Corset on, gloves unrolled, pick up those heels and smile!

Yours, delighting in the daftness,

Burlicious x




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