18 Oct 2018

My arse, your face... in the best possible way

The comfortable hilarity caused by the difference in body proportion between Burlicious showgirls is the gift that keep on giving. Unlike showgirls of yore, chosen to be of matching height and build, we are a proudly motley crew of varying height, build and curvaceousness.

This means that, for those routines where we are dancing up close and personal with each other (as we are with our current number), there's a certain amount of adjustment that needs to go on simply so we don't knock each other off our stillies with a careless body part.

As an example, we're in threes, side on to the audience, standing close one behind the other. We then all go down towards the floor, knees bent, before standing back up again, bum up first, and then TITS (as the instruction goes - it's a chest out, shoulders back thing).

From left to right, we Burlicious Three go bijou, tall, bijou. This means that , as I stand up, my arse tends to hoist the Voluptuous Jules, who is close, close, close behind me, up by her, well, her voluptuous bazoooms. In contrast, the Sparkly Bra Pixie, in front of me, more or less sits on my knees on the way down. It's a hoot.

Who needs uniformity in female bodies? We are living, giggling proof that you can have much more fun without.

Yours, positively on an "infinite variety" kick,

Burlicious x

29 Sep 2018

Slink your sultry stuff

Darlings, we are launched. Rehearsals for Black Velvet started this week.

Those of you who still want to join us for this one on stage in December, panic not. We have plenty of time to get you polished up perfectly.

Those of you who don't want to perform and who still want to come to class, PLEASE DO COME! We love having you with us and it makes no difference to us whether you'll be performing or not. The more gorgeousness we have in the room every Wednesday, the better., as far as we're concerned.

Yours, mentally in Mississippi in the middle of a heatwave,

Burlicious x




22 Sep 2018

Snatch!

We romped warmly and stickily to a close with "All That Jazz" this week. There's a lovely move where we're sitting on the floor, legs wide apart, and furbelows (ahem) to the audience. As we lean forward, we run our fingers down the thigh to the ankles, then snatch our hands back quickly to the groin to the shouted instruction "SNATCH!". Given how we are sitting at the time, there was a little bit of unladylike merriment, it must be admitted.

Anyway, dahlings, onto some practical news. If you want to perform "Black Velvet" with us at the show in December, we'll start dancing that next week in class. Those of you who don't want to perform, come to class as usual. There will be absolutely no difference in how we teach the routine and so you will still have the usual hilarious, chaotic, and somehow glamorous and sexy experience.

If you want to perform and you can't make next week, let us know - burlicious@gmail.com; or via Facebook https://www.facebook.com/burlicious/ ; or using any personal contact you have for us. We have plenty of time to rehearse this one so we can make it work for you, but it would be really helpful to have a feel for numbers at this stage.

Yours, ready for some "slow, Southern style",

Burlicious x


12 Aug 2018

The end of the Pier show

We do love a chance to shake our groove thang on stage, and last night's sold out performance was a trademark Burlicious event.

First, the news on arrival that everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong, leaving our beautiful and talented Mistress of Ceremonies, Natalie Evans, tearing her hair out with acts pulling out, the music unplayable, and the supporting film of those fab people doing The Full Monty no longer working on the big screen.

Second - and we have been here before many times - the teeny changing room, which is actually the bijou Pier office, also being used by various stewards and technicians, and open to the lovely men who were getting ready at the same time to do their Full Monty. To make it a tad more surreal the Town Crier (male), in full regalia, is wandering in and out while two of us try to cut a label out of one showgirl's knickers... while she is wearing them.

Third, shortly before we go on, it starts raining. Heavily. There is no shelter for the audience. 

Fourth, because the music has confused itself, the nice chaps who are supposed to start the music on my cue... don't. It's a reasonably long wait on stage with two thirds of the showgirls already bent over, bum to the audience, before we can start dancing. 

Fifth - costume malfunction. Sole coming off shoe; earring flying off; sparkly bracelet holing stocking just as we go on.

And yet, and yet, it was magical, brilliant, fun, uplifting, and an absolute hoot - just as it always is. All this, and we were raising money for charity too. 

Showgirls, you did us and yourselves proud. Loved dancing with you, as always!

Yours, chuffed to bits,

Burlicious x

9 Aug 2018

Spicing up Saturday

Darlings, we dance on Saturday on the Pier, supporting some fabulous women and men from the local community who are doing the Full Monty for charity. By contrast we shall be positively demure :-). 

If you fancy an evening of good people doing good things for good causes, as well as lashings of glamour and glitz, come along. We shall fluff a feather or two in celebration.

Yours, hot to trot, 

Burlicious x


21 Jul 2018

Summer - not all it's cracked up to be :-)

Summer has sun and holidays and hot days and cool drinks and time to leave work and get out and/or away and play for a bit.

But it doesn't have Burlicious.

Yep, we're shutting up shop for the holidays; laundering our evening gloves; airing our boas; and  focussing on
choreographing treats to come. Showgirls, we return to Burlicious deliciousness on Weds 5th September.

In the meantime we are, of course, hotly rehearsing (and we do mean "hotly" - sheesh) for our small part in the extravaganza on 11th August.

We'll keep you updated as things develop. And, if you need your regular fix, you can always pop along and watch us on the Pier on 11th August. (Pssst -these fabulous legs will be there!) The whole evening promises to be an absolute hoot.

Yours, getting ready to crack that rehearsal whip,

Burlicious x

5 Jul 2018

Women of mystery

We love, love, love the transformative effect of Burlicious. The day-to-day reality of who we are can be a mile away from what we look like as part of the troupe - dressed up in our undies and strutting our womanly stuff.

As an illustration, I was filling up the car early this morning on my way back from a run. Pink-faced, dripping with sweat, and dressed in a bag lady assembly of  soggy lycra, I spotted the woman who will be our glamorous Mistress of Ceremonies for the public performance next month as she trotted across the forecourt in her pyjama bottoms to buy some milk.

We grinned happily and said "hello", secure in the knowledge that, on the night, she will be an absolute knockout and I will be part of a delicious, synchronised, gorgeous glamour of showgirls, high stepping it and fluffing up our boas for charity.

It's a great feeling!

Yours, enjoying being who we are,

Burlicious x




28 Jun 2018

Shimmying in the rain

Well, we could be.

Despite half the troupe being off on their hols, we have accepted the invitation to shake our groove thangs as part of The Real Full Monty show in August. As a troupe we shall be small, but perfectly formed. It will be, as one of our number commented, a genuine End of the Pier show and it promises to be a giggle and a half.

Of course, if it chucks it down with rain, it could put a teeny dampener on the boa number, but we shall cross that soggy bridge if we come to it.

Showgirls, we can squeeze in another two if you fancy joining us. Let us know - rehearsals start soon.

Yours, wondering whether we should adapt our parasol routine for brollies,

Burlicious x

23 Jun 2018

The casting couch beckons

Showgirls, we've been asked whether we would like to perform at the Real Full Monty show on the Pier on 11 August. The event looks like an absolute hoot and we'll be helping to raise money for a number of cancer charities. This is the event that a local vicar has said is potentially immoral and titillating, and that it might encourage impure thoughts.

Despite this dire warning, there is no hint that we need to take off more than we usually do. :-)

We Burlicious Three are up for it. Have a think as to whether you might like to join us. Normal rules apply:

  • it's entirely voluntary
  • only do it if you think you will enjoy it
  • we'll organise rehearsals
  • you can always, always pull out before the event if you're not happy that you are making the progress you would like at rehearsals
  • the number of showgirls we will take will be determined by the number that we think we can fit on the stage.
Simple, no?

Think about it and we'll chat on Weds. 

Yours, getting ready to crack that rehearsal whip,

Burlicious x

16 Jun 2018

Brace yerselves

The longest tights in the world joined us in class this week. Secured (well, almost) under the fabulous bazoooom of the Voluptuous Jules, they rolled themselves down cheekily with a twang at the slightest provocation, causing her to yank them up again towards her armpits like a pair of errant fishing waders.

This almost distracted attention away from the surprise success of one troupe member in showgirl capture, as she deftly placed the heel of one shoe in the tied loop of the shoelace of the other and came very close to felling herself in a flurry of satin and sequins. It's what the audience dreams of, Dear Reader, a showgirl of their very own brought down in the wild, then netted and smuggled hurriedly home.

All this and the bewildering step-swivel-flick of our crisp tango flick kicks, and we had the usual hour of entertainment, epithets and steady, delicious progress.

It's coming along beautifully, Showgirls, it really is.

Yours, wondering about braces for tights,

Burlicious x

8 Jun 2018

A tempting array

Apologies for the silence, Dear Reader. We hung up our corsets for half term, and since then we have been concentrating on choreography for the next routine (just you wait for its launch!). However, here we are, back at class again and ready to razzle.

We've just launched our routine to "Temptation", so it's not too late to come along and join in if you fancy it next week. Frankly, our quick demo at the start of class on Wednesday revealed that we might need a bit of a brush up on a couple of the steps ourselves. :-)

We love the fact that, as a group, we are a walking, talking, sashaying demonstration of the diversity of the female body. Take leg length as an example. Short legs, long legs. Tights bagging round the ankle, tights constantly having to be hauled up over the posterior. Two women, same style tights, one with the pattern at knee height and one with it way up the thigh. The compare and contrast revelations are excellent value, it must be said.

Rejoicing in this fabulous variety of build and style, Wednesday's troupe did themselves proud - responding like clockwork to the instructions "and turn, sit, pause, TITS!" They look great, they really do. Who said we all have to look exactly the same? Our gorgeous bag of allsorts looks amazing!

Yours, applauding variety,

Burlicious x



17 May 2018

Future pleasures

We have a number of women asking us when would be a good time to come along and join the glamour, glitz and giggles of Burlicious. Ladies, you have options.

Next week, Weds 23rd May, we will finish teaching our current routine. Those of you who have done a bit of it and fancy coming along, you are very, very welcome. Do bear in mind that you might have to bumble through some of it if you have missed a couple of sessions, but we don't mind if you don't. Frankly, as long as you are enjoying yourself, we don't give a damn.

There is no class on 30th May - it's half term.

On 6th June we'll be back in all our finery and we will start teaching a new routine in that class. That's a brilliant time to come along if you have never been before as we will be teaching the routine from the very beginning. It'll probably be a routine from the archives - we're pondering now which little gem we fancy.

This afternoon we start the hilarious, slapstick process that is the development of a brand new routine. We'll be into our choreography slippers and filling Burlicious Towers with feathers and laughter. Watch this space for the launch date of that new creation.

Yours, busy designing and delivering deliciousness,

Burlicious x


11 May 2018

Ssssh. Your secret's safe with us

A practical post today, possums (yes, sometimes we do allow the rest of the world to intrude into our world of Burlicious delight).

We thought we ought to say something about the new Data Protection Regulations that are riding into town later this month. Here's our position:

  • some of you have signed up to receive this blog post automatically. Your email address is the only info that we have about you (we don't have names for most of you or any other info :-) )
  • we don't share that info with anyone. And we mean anyone. Frankly, the three of us would be hard pressed to know how to do so
  • we don't use that email address for anything else, either
  • for those of you who currently come to class, we have your first name on an attendance register
  • we also have an email address for some of you current and former showgirls. We only use that email address to let you current showgirls know if a class is going to be cancelled at short notice. Very occasionally, we might email our current and former beauties to to let you know that we're planning on doing a workshop (we really do need to get our act together and do another)
  • that's it
  • again, we don't share those email addresses with anyone
  • and we don't hold any other info about you
  • we don't process any info outside of the EU
  • some of you delicious showgirls have become personal friends of ours (hurrah! What a bonus!). So, we might have other contact with you, but that's 'cos we're mates and has nothing to do with Burlicious.
If at any time you want to escape us and/or stop hearing from us, just let us know by emailing us at burlicious@gmail.com. Or let us know in class. Or let us know via Facebook. We're big girls. We'll probably get over the rejection. In time.

There's no commercial contract between us, no commitment for you to do anything, and we don't view what we do as a business so we're not hustling. We think we have a legitimate interest in holding and managing your contact details, partly because you have voluntarily asked us to (in the case of this blog) and partly because you'll freeze your feathers off standing forlornly outside the hall in your fripperies if we have had to cancel a class at short notice.

OK, that's it. Hopefully it makes sense? We probably don't need to say anything about the new regulations given how we run this class, but we don't want a lashing if we do nothing and we find out later that we're wrong about that.

Yours, secretarially (which gives us ideas for some great outfits),

Burlicious x


26 Apr 2018

Out hooking

After a small hiccup last night (and, no, it wasn't the gin) we're ready to start a new routine next week, Wednesday 2nd May. So, as we always say, if you've had your corsets on hold whilst waiting for us to complete the routine we're currently teaching, next week is your chance to join us at the very beginning of a routine.

We'll be teaching our pert little version of "Turn back, O man" from Godspell - loved by vicars everywhere 😇. It's our cane routine and very nice it is too.

A word of warning. Our experienced showgirls will know that, along with the canes made by our fabulous Props Manager, we have some back up canes - i.e. proper walking sticks complete with curved handle. Last night, loading stuff into the car after a practice run, I accidentally managed to hook the Voluptuous Jules firmly by the front of her frock and drag her towards me off the pavement and into the road. it was like a mishandled showgirl abduction.

It bodes ill for what might happen when there are a number of us flailing about with canes in one room next week. Don't say that we haven't warned you. Crash helmets with diamanté will be acceptable.

Yours, recruiting people off the street by hook or by crook,

Burlicious x


19 Apr 2018

Oh bondage...



Last night we had a sublime example of involuntary bondage. Slithering down her legs to collect her boa from the floor, the Voluptuous Jules managed to catch the front of her sequinned camisole in her net tights. Firmly. In more than one place. And then, after a short intermission, she did it again.

Bent double trying to release one from the other without ruining either, she was more than slightly hampered by not having the clearest view of what she was doing. Jules has a deliciously generous bosoooom and her assets were rather blocking the way. There's a reason she's called Voluptuous.

Supportively, we laughed and then started amusing ourselves as to how we would cope if this were to happen in the middle of a stage performance.

Crablike, we mimed stealing off stage, knees bent, chest almost on thighs, while smiling bravely and doing little distracting arm waves and boa flutters to the audience.

Seriously, we shouldn't be allowed out without carers.

Yours, in fond hilarity,

Burlicious x

29 Mar 2018

A ripple of loveliness

In all seriousness, how often does one have the opportunity to say to a room of gorgeous women in their heels and their fripperies: "and now, JIGGLE!"

It gladdens our be-corseted heart, it really does, to see this instruction enacted as our showgirls trip busily towards centre stage from the edges of the room. Done properly, this mode of travel creates delicious movement in fabulous female flesh, with demure showgirl faces peeking above a quivering of bosooooms.

Simply marvellous and a gentle lift to the spirits.

Well, our little shimmyers and our beloved readers, we're off now for Easter. So, take the weight off yer stillies, hang out yer feathers to air, and we'll be back for Weds 18th April.

Yours, still smiling after last night's jiggling,

Burlicious x

23 Mar 2018

A new move born every week

It tickles us mightily when an apparently simple move becomes a show stopper in class. The more we try to break down a move such as a sharp hip thrust forward, the more difficult and complicated it seems to become. In no time, scattered about through the troupe, one can observe a number of showgirls (and any of the three of us) painfully, clumsily, trying out a quick move in slow motion... wrongly.

The aforementioned hip thrust this week was variously re-imagined as a duck-bummed skiing position; a genteel hip nudge forward of polite proportions; and a sort of Pearly King and Queen "'ow's yer father" vigorous sheep-shagging affair. (Not that many Pearly Kings and Queens shag sheep, we hasten to add).

Ah, the happy individuality of the human body and the variety that each of us brings to the whole "monkey see, monkey do" element of our class.

Yours, loving the originality of it all,

Burlicious x

1 Mar 2018

When you're strokin' Mama...

Snow stopped play this week (boo!) so we're all behind... so to speak.

This means that we have the current routine to complete on 7th March and then we plan to start a new routine the following week, Wednesday 14th March.

We'll be relaunching our cheeky, perky routine to the double entendre-laden  number "When you're good to Mama". It's a feelgood, nod and a wink, 'ow's yer father of a thing, and it makes us smile like loons.

So, as we always say, if you've been teetering up to coming along to play with us for the first time, now is the best time to give it a go as you will be learning a routine from its very beginning.

If you are one of our current showgirls and you've missed a few classes, and so you've been stuck at home, staring morosely at your stash of boas and corsets and muttering that you'll never catch up (of course you would, ya daft baggage, but we do understand the reluctance that some of you feel :-) ), it's time to lace up and come back to us, honey.

One way or the other, we hope to see you soon for a bit of Chicago shimmying.

Yours, planning our jailer chic,

Burlicious x




24 Feb 2018

The perils of a wilful wardrobe

Honestly, we really are quite good at what we do. However, you wouldn't necessarily know that from observing us in class.

This week's class was a clothes calamity, an outfits outtake, and boa bedlam.

In quick succession we had the Sparkly Bra Pixie's corset striking out for independence, leaving her standing astonished in just her bra and knickers. Then the Voluptuous Jules caught her heel in the bow of the other shoe's lace and nearly head butted the rear wall of our dance space as she struggled to free herself. Boas stuck to gloves and refused to drop silkily to the floor. Gloves dangled unhelpfully from the gusset area, looking like extraordinary surgical additions. Knickers twirled inventively around nether regions and had to be rescued inelegantly.

It was a hoot.

On a chilly night an hour of this knockabout nonsense takes one's mind completely away from the week to date and the week to come.

And the dancing's pretty good too! No, really, it is. The troupe is doing us proud.

Yours, a walking, strutting comedy in heels,

Burlicious x

14 Feb 2018

Time off for bad behaviour



No class tonight, you sexy slinksters and seductive strutters. We're off for a little Valentine's Delight.

There's nothing to stop you from wearing the outfit, though, if that's what takes your fancy!

See you next week, Wednesday 21st February, for more delicious Burlicious.

Yours, with hearts and hugs,

Burlicious x

4 Feb 2018

Burlesque for the bewildered

There is a delicious, informal, knock-about quality to our classes. It's fair to say that the task of learning the routine is sometimes made a little bit more challenging for our showgirls by the fact that, as we're dancing, it's not unknown for me to forget entirely what I'm doing.

Distracted by a piece of feedback that I want to give; or by pondering to myself how big a chunk of routine we might mistress before the class ends; or entertaining a wistful thought about it being time for a little smackerel of something; I lose track of where we're up to as we dance and sort of gently peter out.

This has a predictable ripple effect in the rows of showgirls behind me.

Like a busload of the elderly bewildered, we wind down slowly, each doing something slightly different as we go gently astray, with just the Sparkly Bra Pixie at the very back of the class sticking to the original script and wondering why she is the only one to do so.

It's entropy in action. And it's very funny.

Soon we'll be employing carers to get us back on the straight and narrow and to help us dress ourselves again after we have thrown off our evening gloves and boa. Me, I blame the feathers. I think they're filling up my head with brightly-coloured nonsense and crowding out the dance steps.

Yours, a sequin-clad walking liability,

Burlicious x

25 Jan 2018

A new member

We do love the start of a new dance routine as the class swells again with those who have missed classes and who want to come back at the very beginning of a routine. It's also the perfect opportunity for women who have never come to class before to come and see what we're like. Welcome, and welcome back, all of you. We love having you with us.

Demonstrating the routine last night for the first time, I made an unscripted addition of my own. Having removed a long, pink evening glove I managed while sliding it seductively (well, that was the intention) down my body, to attach it firmly to a sparkly bit on the front of my drawers.

And there it stayed.

Picture the scene, Dear Reader - black knickers, black tights and a long pink glove attached to the front of me just about exactly where one would attach a new male member if that was a body enhancement that appealed.

The sight was made marginally more hilarious, if that were possible, by me slinging my leg over the chair seat, straddling the chair with my back to the audience, and my new pink addition peaking out slyly between my legs under my bum.

Of course, I shall pretend that this was a deliberate ploy to make our new showgirls feel instantly at ease and not intimidated by our innate perfection and professionalism. However, I am secretly delighted to confess that this sort of c*ck up is not unusual for Burlicious, which is why it is such a giggle.

Yours, grinning at the memory,

Burlicious x


18 Jan 2018

Off with the old, on with the new

A triumphant (if a little hasty) close to our current routine last night as we whipped our troupe through the complete number for the last time. Not one of them has been able to be there for every class, so there was a good smattering of: "oooh, I don't know this bit" as we cantered gamely along. Add to this the fact that, for some of the routine anyway, there are three distinct roles and three different sets of steps, and it all made for a rather varied interpretation of the original.

A highlight for the evening was the astonished look on the face of a couple of showgirls who had never before seen the "rolling around on the floor gusset flash" move. "Boggled" would be a fair description.

As special was the confession by one showgirl that, when I accidentally attached my sequinned front to my fishnetted thigh, thus preventing me from straightening back up, she gamely stayed bent over her own leg, assuming that this was just a part of the routine that she had forgotten.

We do adore the sometimes chaotic nature of what we do.

A new routine starts next Wednesday, 24th January, showgirls. We've taken an old favourite and given it a substantial overhaul. We're rather chuffed with it, we must say. So, if you're coming back to class or if you want to give us a go for the first time, next Wednesday is a perfect opportunity to be in at the very start of a routine.

Yours, gusset flashing with the best of 'em,

Burlicious x

11 Jan 2018

More than just waggling

It is sometimes forgotten that a Burlicious class can be a mental workout as well as physical exercise.

Don't get us wrong - our routines aren't difficult. They're designed to be eminently learnable by women who are not dance professionals, and we invest a sensible amount of time in class in repetition until we think that the troupe has got it. However, because none of us does this stuff for a living, there's no denying that it can mess with the head a bit firstly to learn a routine, and then to reorient it.

What do we mean by "reorienting"? well, when we think the troupe has mistressed a section of a dance, we then get them to dance it facing in a different direction - to the back of the hall; to the side; in a circle facing each other, and so on.

The suggestion that we do this is always met with groans and then with hilarity when we give it a go. Usually at least one or two of the troupe (and by no means the same ones every time) will be confidently heading off in exactly the wrong direction at some point and then coming to a bewildered halt. It's amazing just how challenging it can be to take familiar steps and then dance them in a different direction.

So you see, we're a training session for mental agility and spatial awareness as well as being some of the best fun that you can have in yer drawers away from your own home.

It's not just tits and arse, you know. :-)

Yours, brain surgeons in stilettos,

Burlicious x

PS: We still adore this pic from Katy Paige-Mclean Photography of some of the troupe heading onstage :-) 

2 Jan 2018

Come and strut your delicious stuff with Burlicious...

... all of it. Including any newly acquired Christmas curves.

In all seriousness, Showgirls, where else are you going to feel so comfortable and unjudged in your sexy smalls and your daft little outfits at this time of year?

You know that we know that you're all gorgeous. Don't hide away, fretting about an extra couple of pounds and thinking that you need to stay out of the public eye and live on celery until you're a size zero. Come and play with us and have a laugh instead.

We promise you'll leave class feeling better.

Next class is Wednesday 10th January. Hope to see you there.

Yours, celebrating the female form in all its variety,

Burlicious x

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