18 Dec 2014

Too gorgeous to be let loose

We are often asked how we create our dance routines. It's a challenge to give an accurate answer. Nothing captures the sheer hilarity that is the three of us in choreography action at Burlicious Towers.

Squeezed into the kitchen, we listen to fragments of our chosen track over and over as we test out possible moves for each beat. We're merciless critics of ourselves and each other. Moves are dreamt up, demonstrated, and shot down in flames without mercy.

We mess up steps. We forget steps. We work in a narrow space, narrowly missing (usually) the worktop, fridge and breakfast bar as we move around.

We spend quite a lot of time just standing around looking at each other blankly, with not an idea between us.

We test drive different props - sometimes to catastrophic effect.

Above all, we laugh until our sides hurt. It's all tremendously therapeutic, bonding, energising, hilarious stuff. And completely and totally lacking in glamour.

This is well-illustrated by this week's photo. Apologies for the quality - it's a still from the video we make of each routine as it develops. Enjoy this one as a sneak preview of the butterfly that will emerge from this unprepossessing be-slippered chrysalis, sometime early next year!

Yours, living, breathing, glamour icons,

Burlicious x

11 Dec 2014

An audience with Burlicious

Our Burlicious beauties are multi-talented and include a gorgeous chanteuse. Last night she brought to class the producers of the Valentine’s Night show we hope to appear in next year.

Now, we’re very clear about the role that public performances play in the Burlicious repertoire. Our classes are a chance for women to have a laugh, build body confidence, and remember that they are sexy women as well as busy employees, mothers and partners. Appearing in a show is always voluntary. We never put on stage a woman who isn't ready to dance that routine well. We want our showgirls to come off stage chuffed to bits with what they have achieved, not feeling that they made a mess of it.

It was all the more unusual and entertaining, then, to have these two guys with us last night at class for a peek behind the scenes.

Not having rehearsed recently the routines that we showed them, we weren't exactly show ready. And we accept that it does detract a little from the magic of the performance to heft one’s knickers back up at the end of the routine like some road builder. However, it’s great to see what our showgirls can pull out of a hat at short notice. And we think it gave the guys a good introduction to the warm, funny, ramshackle way in which we run our class.

Come January, showgirls, we shall be whipping you into polished synchrony with a flick of a boa and the stamp of a sparkly shoe so that you can take to the stage with aplomb.

I feel a sort of headmistress-cum-dominatrix outfit coming on.

Yours, excited at the chance to show you all off,

Burlicious x

29 Nov 2014

Valentine's night delight

Be still, your beating heart - our Burlicious beauties have been invited to perform a couple of numbers in a Valentine's Eve show. Oh how we love having the chance to show them off in all their glory! And us too, it must be said.

So, showgirls, settle back on your slingbacks, and give some thought as to whether you would like to be part of a delicious Burlicious performing troupe next February 14th. And remember, it's absolutely fine to say "no". We know that not everyone likes tripping the light fantastic in her undies in public. :-)

If you do fancy strutting your gorgeous stuff with us and some other acts, let us know when you next come to class and we'll start the planning phase. As an incentive, we have to tell you that every showgirl who has danced with us in public has come offstage at the end of the routine positively a-buzz with delight and excitement.

It's amazing what an appreciative audience can do for the confidence!

Yours, plotting and scheming as we speak,

Burlicious x

23 Nov 2014

In all seriousness

Another new showgirl joined us this week. At the end of the class, I asked her what she thought. "I loved it," she said. "Everyone's so different and they all look gorgeous."


This is the very foundation stone of the Burlicious philosophy. It's the inner heart of why we do what we do. Our showgirls range from tall to short; from big to little; from willowy to generously curvy. We have blonds, brunettes and redheads. Over our last five years at this, we've spanned an age range from teenagers to women in their 60s (and older at hen party events!). Some of our beauties are extravert and full of it; others are quiet and self-contained. They turn up in the spindliest of stilettos to the most practical of boots; in barely-there outfits to cover-all exercise kit.

And then they dance.

Not only do they look fabulous together in all their infinite variety, but each one of them is a thing of beauty in her own right. 

Watching them, you can see immediately what nonsense we are being fed about what beauty is, and how ridiculous the idea is that there is only one way to look. In our own small way, we're proud to bring a more rich and varied picture of female beauty to the fore.

Shimmy on, showgirls - you're gorgeous!

Yours, musing on the amazingness of individuality,

Burlicious x

13 Nov 2014

When fishnets are not your friend

We returned last night to our smouldering, sultry, sensuous routine to "Temptation". It's a thing of smooooooth beauty - all contemptuous glances, dismissive tango flick kicks and slow caresses. We bloomin' well love it.

Sadly, the props in our lovely little hall fall a tad short of what is required. We're using municipal red plastic chairs to slither around on, the surface of which is far from mirror smooth. Put together a gorgeous swish on the bottom from one side of the chair to the other, a rough chair surface, and a fishnetted derriere and you have what can only be described as chafing in the nether regions.

Add to that the complication that all the chairs are the same height and our showgirls definitely aren't and you have a wealth of small adaptations to be made to make the moves work.

Despite those small challenges, the routine looks gorgeous already, simply gorgeous. Soon we'll get to the "fling the legs wide open on the chair" move, and all bets will be off!

Yours, wondering about 100 denier tights,

Burlicious x

8 Nov 2014

Rearguard action

There was a distinct nip in the air last night as we launched our class. This was swiftly put right by writhing against the radiators during our warm up routine. Most satisfactory.

Rears aglow, we kept the temperature up for the rest of the class by repeatedly dancing our latest mistresspiece, "When you're good to Mama".  It's an absolute bloomin' joy to be able to stand back and watch our gorgeous troupe dance the routine by themselves. Honestly, there is little to beat a perfectly-timed ten bum salute or the vision of synchronised rows of cheekily executed boa tail flips.

Our work here is done and back down the choreography mine we must go to chip away at another little gem. We've chosen the music for our next number and are already planning future moves. I can't see how we'll ever tire of doing this!

Yours, pondering high-stepping delights to come,

Burlicious x

25 Oct 2014

All hands to the rump

With a flourish, we finished our latest routine this week, just in time for the half term break. With many of our showgirls in their haunting Halloween gear, we brought the routine to a fittingly bewitching close.

There's a lovely move in this one where a showgirl will lean over. A beat later, the slinkster behind her also leans over and rests her outstretched hands on the first showgirl's behind. The third showgirl then follows suit. It looks great, but it does depend on being in exactly the right distance apart if one is to avoid crashing down like a sack of spuds.

Our beauties mastered it with aplomb.

It never ceases to amaze me how much fun it is to spend time with this daft, friendly and gently ribald group of women, all dressed up in our burlesque best and high-stepping it around our battered little hall. More than that, it genuinely takes my breath away sometimes to look at the beauty of what we have created together.  

We Burlicious Three may design it, showgirls, but you bring it to life.

Yours, bursting with ringmistress-y pride,

Burlicious x

9 Oct 2014

Indelicate instructions for a filthy night

It may have been dark and rainy outside last night, but our troupe was toasty warm inside as we tackled the middle phase of our routine.

There's a glorious juxtaposition with this little number. The lyrics tempt me to trill in a Miss Jean Brodie, upmarket governess sort of way, e-nun-ci-ating every word clearly and plummily.

The actions....? Less so.

A deliciously bawdy, comic and slapstick "jiggle yer tits" move, has me grinning every time we do it. I do hope that the regular shouted instruction of: "TITS!" is keeping those in the bus queue outside entertained. Who knows, we may be responsible for revenues on that particular bus route peaking every Wednesday night?

Maybe it's time we approached the bus company for our share of the profits?

Yours, sharing our sophisticated delights with the world,

Burlicious x

2 Oct 2014

Oooooh, Matron!

Treat after treat last night:

  • A glamour of our core showgirls who have been with us for ages, dancing week after dancing week 
  • A nostalgia of former showgirls, who have been absent for a little while but who came back to the mother ship last night
  • An excitement of brand new showgirls along for their very first class, who left us telling the world that they want to do this stuff professionally.

Along with this, my lovelies, we had the creation of new terms of art. Explaining how to do the "flip the feather tail over the bum" move, I suggested that what we were looking for was just the right amount of "clumpy fluff". Ah, what a phrase to conjure with, although I do accept that it sounds like something you might take shamefacedly to a doctor for examination.

Showgirls, you were fabulous. We love the laughs, the missteps and the beauty of seeing it work. We love the warmth, the chatter and the clothes swapping. Most of all, we love the fact that you come out to play with us. You're what it's all about!

Yours, airing our clumpy fluff in the garden,

Burlicious x

25 Sept 2014


We're still smiling after last night's hoot of a class. We launched our tongue-in-cheek, camped up little number to that Chicago cracker, "When you're good to Mama".

What a tonic!

Twenty showgirls gliding randomly across the room, boa outstretched, gaze fixed firmly on our imaginary audience, and trying avoid being on a collision course with any showgirl sweeping in majestically from the opposite corner.

The gorgeous, cheeky thing that is our flip up of a gathered boa over the derriere.

The leaning over bum wiggle, boa outstretched helpfully under the cheeks to hide any unwanted flapping about of the inner thighs, and the cries from those showgirls who are blessed with a gorgeously curvy bum of: "I need a MUCH bigger boa!"

Hilarious, uplifting, positive... and it already looks beautiful, even with the roars of laughter, the hiccups, and the on cue sneezing.

Just wait until we get to the bit where we need our troupe to line up perfectly, hands on the bum of the showgirl in front! It'll be the funniest, featheriest, cheekiest car crash that anyone has ever seen!

Yours, fluffed up with pleasure at the thought,

Burlicious x

21 Sept 2014

Just time for a quickie

Right, you gorgeous things, this is to remind you that we launch our brand new routine in class this Wednesday. Hurrah!

Bring your sass and your best "camp it up" style, my loves - this little gem is pert and fun!

And those of you who are teetering on the brink of joining, now is the time to take get off that fence and to jump down into the playground with us - there's never a better time to join than when the routine is new to everybody and nobody (including us, sometimes) knows what she is doing.

See you soon, showgirls!

Yours, pondering outfits even as we type,

Burlicious x

11 Sept 2014

A Royal Perfomance

It has been a week full of pleasures.

Off we went on Sunday to the King's Hall wedding fair, plying our wares as mistresses of the hen party.

Darlings, it's a long day to be looking gorgeous in heels, we can tell you. However, we offer our patent tip for getting the blood flowing through the legs and feet again - an impromptu performance to the people in the bar of the feisty "Lady Marmalade". And it wasn't just us who were perked up by that little number, we're pleased to report.

Then last night we had the delight of new ladies coming to class. Some joined in straight away and others watched with barely-suppressed excitement. We love it when new women come along who give every indication of enjoying this stuff as much as we do. We'll see you again soon, my lovelies, for the launch of our new routine!

Finally, this afternoon will see us putting the last touches to our new creation, before we show it to our lovely showgirls on 24th September. We've put in some moves that make us laugh out loud with pleasure. It's a bumptious, tongue in cheek, "nudge, nudge, wink, wink" of a routine - just the thing to give a little lift to the week as the nights start drawing in.

Yours, properly chuffed with ourselves,

Burlicious x

4 Sept 2014

Back in harness

... like the high-stepping, thoroughbred fillies that we are. Yes, it's showgirl season again, and about flippin' time too!

Ah, the cosy familiarity of our bijou, battered little hall.

Oh, the delight of having our showgirls return to us, all ready for a bit of Burlicious.

Eee, the magic of (very nearly, in my case) remembering the routine and sliding seamlessly back into step.

And, oh yes, the sweaty, sticky, feather-adhering reality of dancing a rather lively routine in a beautifully-upholstered corset. Even the Sparkly Bra Pixie in her few wisps of baby doll chiffon was positively agleam.

At this rate, we'll need to lay on champagne on tap just to be able to rehydrate ourselves to a safe minimum. Fizz fountain, anyone?

Yours, loving being back with our gorgeous troupe,

Burlicious x

25 Aug 2014

Only nine shopping days until class begins again!

Not that it's essential to shop before you shimmy, you understand, but we just wanted to point out that there are other things than Christmas for a showgirl to look forward to!

Yes, on Weds 3rd we fluff up our feathers, cinch in our corsets, and slip back into our stillies for another term of giggles and gorgeousness.

We've had a productive summer of choreography and plotting. Even now a scattering of scarlet feathers drifts around the garden at Burlicious Towers, telling the tale of the completion of our fabulous new routine and its subsequent capture on film for our reference archive. We're hoping that the neighbours appreciate the open air burlesque performance that they're treated to intermittently.

Admittedly, it does detract from the elegance of the routine a teeny bit when a boa placed neatly on the patio in one part of the routine then breezes off down the garden as we dance, necessitating a bit of a chase when it comes to time to pick the bloomin' thing up again. Ah well, it all adds to the workout!

Yours, ready for a bit of Autumn raunching,

Burlicious x

15 Aug 2014

Deliciously naughty

Another hard afternoon down the choreography mine yesterday has produced what we think is a little diamond in the muff.

I'm so sorry - that should have read "rough". I do apologise - I must have left the coarseness button on this keyboard switched on.

Anyway, our new little sparkler of a routine is finished and now it just needs buffing and refining.

We've flicked; we've quickied; we've shimmied and we've fluttered. We've stroked and we've thrust; we've caressed and we've wrapped. We've also eaten our body weight in chocolate biscuits and we've laughed 'til we've cried. It's a hard, hard, hard job, this designing lark.

Raise your glasses, please, to welcome into the world our new little nugget of mouth-watering naughtiness - premiering in September.

Yours, chuffed to bits with ourselves,

Burlicious x

31 Jul 2014

Tit for tat... or thereabouts

Term is officially over and we Burlicious Three have been hard at work designing a new routine ready for our triumphant return to class in September. In contrast to our last, rather refined, little number, this one is a no holds barred, cheeky, bouncy, "'ooh, er, Matron" double entendre of a thing and we already love it to bits.

I have to say that we are having the best time designing it. The lyrics include the words "tit for tat". As we were choreographing sweatily in the kitchen, the Voluptuous Jules suggested accompanying moves that involved a caress of one breast followed by a grab of the groin. Quick as a flash, the Sparkly Bra Pixie shrieked: "No, that would be tit for twat!" (Ahem - I do apologise for the language here, but a quote is a quote.)

We laughed until the cat stalked out in a huff and the Props Manager shut his door downstairs in a bid for a bit of peace and quiet.

I declare, this choreography lark is as good for the tummy muscles as any exercise class that you can shake a sequin at!

Yours, tittering,

Burlicious x

24 Jul 2014

Flashdance, where are you now?

Phew, what a scorcher of a class last night! Positively gleaming with sweat, we strutted and shimmied and swooped with teeny bits of rogue boa feather stuck to bare showgirl body parts all over.

And do not underestimate the challenge, dear reader, of peeling long, tight-fitting evening gloves from damp, sticky arms and hands whilst trying to look supremely in control of what should be a long glide of a movement. And it's no easier pulling off this trick behind your back, I can tell you.

Harking back fondly to the days when Flashdance was aspirational, we fantasised about being able to pull that chain, as herself did in her trademark routine, and have water simply cascade down onto us. However, we had to accept regretfully that, were we to do that, we would be booted out of our lovely little hall pretty smartly and unceremoniously. And, as one of our showgirls noted, that would not be our first such eviction. Ahem.

Welcome to our sweaty, steamy, tropical end of term, new showgirls. We're delighted to have you with us. Here's to a slightly cooler new showgirl year in September. Plenty of time in the interim for shopping and plotting!

Yours, taking a teeny breather for the summer,

Burlicious x

10 Jul 2014

From subtle slink to shameless sass

We finished our dreamy, seductive little routine last night and you know what that means, gentle reader - yes, time for a new routine next week! With just a couple of weeks left for this dance term, plus a host of new lovelies wanting to join us as soon as possible, we're going for a much-loved old routine to take us stormingly into summer.

So, out with the strutting shoes, on with the "in yer face" outfits, and off we shimmy to the fabulous Lady Marmalade. The pure energy in that song is an utter joy. So is the confidence injection obtained from striding about in your kit with a brilliant bunch of women. This one's all yells of "walk with purpose!"; double bumps; emphatic grinds and lovely boa work.

Frankly, I suspect that if we were what the song is referring to, and we then advanced en masse on the average punter this brimful of confidence and sass, he would run a mile. Makes me smile just thinking about it!

Yours, powering up,

Burlicious x

3 Jul 2014

That "feel good" thang

It's a treat to hear that one of our showgirls has been practising one of our trickier moves in her break at work. It's even more entertaining to learn that, unbeknown to her, she was doing this under the boggled gaze of a number of her teenage students, who were pressed up against the window behind her as she twirled. Ah well, it's always good to educate the young.

It's also a treat to see the odd (meaning "intermittent" rather than "strange") Facebook post from one of our lovelies listing her class with us as something that added pleasure to her day.

And, oh, is it a treat to see our beauties getting to grips with this routine, week by week. Last week's mad and uncontrolled windmilling of legs is this week's coordinated kick-swap-kick-swap, bottom up, jump, WRIGGLE!

And the bruise count seems to be diminishing, which always looks nice. :-)

Yours, roaring to a triumphant close with this rather contained and subtle little routine,

Burlicious x

26 Jun 2014

Kicking up our heels

Some of you think that it's the bright lights, the sparkly clothes, and the gorgeous moves that motivate us when we're dancing with our Burlicious troupe. Many of you recognise that a big part of the incentive is watching women blossom and grow in confidence class by class, week by week. Whilst all of this is true, the bit that isn't always appreciated by those of you who can't be there is that the whole thing is also enormous fun.

Last night was a joy. I returned from a week away to see an appreciable advance in our showgirls' handling of our latest routine. That was magical.

And then we had the added bonus of teaching two leg moves that are a teeny bit tricky to master. The "leg over the back of a chair whilst sitting on it facing backwards" manoeuvre is a demanding little blighter to do in a corset without looking like a sack of laundry.

The "kicky cross-over legs while leaning on the chair seat" thing is an absolute hoot. Done badly, it's Morecombe and Wise doing "Bring me Sunshine". Done well, it's a cheeky, flicky, little lissomness of legs. 

We laughed until the top end of my corset gave way.


Yours, just loving our nights with our showgirls,

Burlicious x

12 Jun 2014

A treasure trove for titivators

We Burlicious three went to the Sparkly Bra Pixie’s nest for a recycle, re-use and up-glamourise session this week. Clutching an old crystal chandelier, a river of ribbons, some corsets to beautify and our retired boas (those feathers age surprisingly quickly in our gentle hands and a droopy, ragged boa is no use to anyone), we settled down in the Pixie’s craft lair to work our magic.

Ah, the fun you can have with an industrial glue gun, acres of haberdashery, a magpie gleam in the eye and a “more is more” approach to a showgirl outfit. Yes, there was a dicey moment when the bread board and the glue gun became attached to each other, but it's much more entertaining doing this sort of stuff with one's partners in stilettos than it is doing it alone at home. 

Feather bustles, fascinators, pimped corsets and frou-frou'ed lingerie rolled off the production line. It was like Blue Peter for the frivolous grown up. 

Is this what they meant in those 1950's "How to be the perfect housewife" guides about being a frugal homemaker? 

Yours, still removing the feathers from the nether regions,

Burlicious x

5 Jun 2014

Crisp and delectable

At the risk of sounding as if we have just been engaged to write descriptions to put on supermarket packs of perfectly familiar fruit and vegetables (anyone who shops at Waitrose will know what we mean), we think that this is a fair description of how our new routine is starting to look.

Responding to our delicate instructions (bellows of "WAIT for it!" and "right, left, arm and STROKE!" from me at the front of the class and the Sparkly Bra Pixie at the back) our showgirls are starting to make a very nice job of this little number. Mind you, we would love to know what the punters at the bus stop outside make of our repeated shouts of "BOB!" and " Car...ess...".

We must sound positively steamy and quite possibly illegal.

Ah well, they say that all publicity is good publicity, don't they? Speaking of which, do pop over to our Show and Tell page to catch the interview that our insurers made of us to help promote their business. Forgive the voluptuous Jules for her smiley silence. She had a terrible tummy upset on the day and we decided that it would be better if she didn't have a little mike attached to her corset to pick up her every gurgle and broadcast it to the world!

Yours, tripping the light fantastic,

Burlicious x

29 May 2014

London Burlesque Festival - fizz, fripperies and feminism

We Burlicious three trotted off to the LBF Big Day Out on Saturday, for a hard day's work shopping, researching and planning. Ah, the daily grind (see what we did there?) of we showgirls and troupe mistresses!

Taking the weight off our slingbacks mid afternoon, we sat back, glass of fizz in hand, to watch the show.

While all the performers were good, our heart was won by Violet Blaze. Not only was she sporting the most bejewelled corset in the world (like little magpies, we beadily watched every twinkle and glitter, eaten up with envy) but this woman is sass and confidence personified. She brought the flippin' house down.

We don't often make serious points in these posts - our preference is for the confidence boost of what we do to peep out subtly from under our gossamer-light weekly witterings. However, for those of you who question (as do we, sometimes) how burlesque and feminism can share a stage, take yourself off to see Violet.

If ever there was a celebration of a body that does not fit the current Vogue norm and yet just oozes confidence, power and sexuality, Ms Blaze is it. A woman who is all woman, dancing for a crowd that was almost all women, and making us all feel that there is nothing as good as revelling in having the body that you have - hats off to you Violet. You're what this is all about.

Yours, revved up and ready to take on the world,

Burlicious x

22 May 2014

Too small to cover our modesty

To you, our showgirls look sexy, delicious and gorgeous, each with her own style and beauty.

To our long-suffering Props Manager, our showgirls are agents of destruction, mercilessly trashing the fruit of his labours. So, it was with a distinct shudder that he greeted the news that we wanted delicate feather fans for this routine.

A rigorous web search revealed a happy compromise - practice fans in fabulous colours sourced from the glamorous Orient to use while our beauties learn the routine. They're cheap enough that the odd breakage doesn't cause heartache.

There's just one small downside.

They're teeeeny.

It's just as well that we don't take off our clothes when we dance. Trust us, there would be nothing left to the imagination. With our fans there would be no cover, tease then slow reveal. It would be more of a "here it is... with a bit of a feather ruff round the edges."

 I guess there's a market for that somewhere?

Yours, loving the daftness of our little feathery accessories, 

Burlicious x

8 May 2014

A fanfare of trumpets, puh...lease

Yep, we have finally finished crafting our new dance routine. It's an elegant, dreamy, slinkster of a thing, with just a dusting of smut to bring it down to earth at the end.

Frankly, if we weren't so bloomin' obsessed with devising new moves and developing something that has a coherent style, we could have finished the thing months ago. If we could bring ourselves to lower the tone, we could bang together a few grinds, a couple of quickies and a bum shimmy (trust me, the latter is NOT for us!) in an afternoon and go on to the next bit of design, no sweat.

Instead, we have long afternoons of head-scratching; test-driving; looking at each other blankly; unwise contortions; running into bits of furniture and the uncontrolled, shouty hilarity that tells all the neighbours that we're having a choreography session.

Yes, it does take us forever to design something that we like. On the other hand, sitting on the kitchen floor, crying with laughter having tried out a move that somehow manages to make each of us look like a bag of brawling ferrets, is an utterly brilliant way to spend time.

Yours, smiling even now at the the thought of the moves that didn't make the cut,

Burlicious x

1 May 2014

Character crisis

A return last night to our very own version of Hey, Big Spender. We've had plenty of mileage out of this little number over the years, as an introductory routine for those fresh to fishnets, and as a warm up for our regular classes. Our version is just 90 seconds long; can easily be taught in an hour; and gives plenty of opportunity for mayhem when we get the class to change direction and to dance it facing each other.

We still fondly remember the first time we danced to this music following someone else's choreography, many, many moons ago when Burlicious was just a little diamante twinkle in our eye. "Can I ask," said the woman with whom I was paired for a bit of strutting towards each other, "Are we meant to be rivals fighting over a man or are we lesbian lovers?"

Given that my head at that point was fully taken up with: "one and two and three and four and five and six and seeeee..ven eight", I had no satisfactory answer for her. Perhaps we're just not taking this seriously enough?

Yours, shallowly enjoying just being gorgeous to music,

Burlicious x

16 Apr 2014

A whisper of silk...

... a rustle of satin, a wink of sequins and a sigh of feathers... there's a lot of anticipatory murmurings going on in our costume wardrobe at the moment. If you listen very carefully, I swear you can hear our corsets and our fripperies fairly wriggling with excitement because it's only a week before they get to go back to class.

Put your pretty things out of their misery next Wednesday, showgirls. Dress up, and come and strut your stuff with us. You know you're dying for it!

Yours, counting off the days on the calendar,

Burlicious x

6 Apr 2014

Time off for bad behaviour

We've broken up for Easter, having brought our Nasty Naughty Boy to a marvelous climax in the last class of term.

Please, no tittering now in the cheap seats - you know full well that we specialise in tease and temptation, suggestion and speculation, and that we never do anything even slightly grubby. Nasty Naughty Boy is a favourite routine of ours, nothing more. Shame on you for thinking anything else!

Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, last Wednesday's class. It had the lot: shoulders shimmied; fingers beckoned; hips lifted; boas twirled; and the glove spank topped off the whole confection beautifully.

Now we Burlicious three take time out to relax, refresh and to sprinkle a little Burlicious fairy dust over the new routine that we're currently coaxing into bloom. A showgirl's work is never done!

Yours, slaves to our passion,

Burlicious x

28 Mar 2014

Sshhh! Sexy, suggestive, slinky moves are brewing!

Apologies for the longish gap between chats recently, you lovely people. Not only have we had a run of performances to perfect, but our more pedestrian daily lives have also been clamouring for attention (needy little things!). On top of that, we are Choreography Central at the mo., locked in our steamy sweatshop crafting new moves for your future pleasure.

Ah, if you could only see the written instructions that we put together as we're developing a new routine. A rather regretful amount of "t*ts" and "a*se" seems to creep onto the page alongside some interesting hieroglyphics.

Then there are the video snippets that we make of potential moves - a veritable treasure trove of comedy moments. Honestly, you ain't seen nuffin' until you've seen us smouldering about, clutching a blue rubber washing-up glove in lieu of a feather fan and camping it up for all we're worth!

We'll be back to full (ahem) service soon, petals. Just bear with us - you can't hurry art! :-)

Yours, brains brimming with beautiful ideas,

Burlicious x

15 Mar 2014

All work and no play...

... makes a showgirl positively frowny and frumpy - which is why we're off tonight in a shimmering showgirl posse for an evening of being entertained by a star-studded cast of burlesque performers.

Dressed to the nines, or possibly the tens, we'll sashay along with some of our lovely troupe for a night of nattering, tippling and clapping enthusiastically. It's a rare treat to be the audience for a change!

And next week, my lovelies, we will start our next routine in class. We're returning to an old flame of ours - still guaranteed to raise the temperature whenever we dance it in public. Soon, soon, we shall have a brand new little number to show you. However, choreography has recently had to take a back seat to preparing for shows and other dull demands.

Hold on to your suspenders - we promise you that it'll be worth the wait!

Yours, getting ready to frock up,

Burlicious x

9 Mar 2014

We're in love...

... with the glamorous lady who watched our performance last night and then told us that we were brilliant, elegant, confident and that we moved with fluid grace (honest!)

... with the male audience member who, having sat petrified as I cat-rubbed him on my way offstage, came up to us later to say it was the best night out he had had for a while

... with the experience of seeing two of our very own showgirls perform their own numbers at the same show, looking positively delicious

... with the lovely, affirming, natural high that comes with dancing two gorgeous routines in fab outfits in front of an appreciative crowd of people who are all grinning like loons and applauding frantically.

Really, this is what this "feeling good in your own skin" thing is all about... even if it is prefaced with a wrestle with a downwards-drifting tights gusset and escapologist false eyelashes. Nobody else needs to see that bit!

Yours, glowing in the aftermath,

Burlicious x

27 Feb 2014

On a teeny tiny stage near you soon!

We're deliciously in demand at the moment. Hot on the heels of our fishnetted appearance at the Angling Club (we're saving the sou'wester routine for a more specialist audience) comes our appearance next week on the bijou stage of Deco 5. We'll be appearing alongside some traditional burlesque acts, some singers, and two of our very own showgirls doing their own thing - can't wait!

Other bookings are coming in as fast as a boa sheds feathers. If we say "yes" to everything, we may have to employ our delicious other halves as roadies, or we'll never see them!

To top it all, we had a triumphant romp last night to the very end of the routine that we're currently doing in class. We had the usual sprinkling of random events. One of our beauties managed to skewer her heel into a gap in the floorboards and  was caught like a butterfly on a pin. This, and the memory of the Sparkly Bra Pixie bellowing "left, now look at it, in, right - don't look at it, now look at it" as we reached our grand finale, made me smile all the way home.

Yours, tickled by the gap between the production process and the finished article,

Burlicious x

20 Feb 2014

Saturday Night's Alright for Dancing

My oh my, what a fabulous night we had at the Angling Club, performing to a full house (standing room only) alongside the delightful Elton Towers!

Yes, the drink spillage on our dance floor did make for a few sudden and rather surprising moves.

Yes, my beautiful pink parasol, having opened smartly through my legs, did then refuse stubbornly to shut so that I then couldn't draw it back through my legs, tidily closed.

Yes, the dressing room was also the kitchen behind the bar, which made for a lot of barmen (how could there have been that many?) popping in and out as we were changing. Our favourite was the guy who informed us that it didn't matter if he came in because he was gay. The credibility of this explanation was rather seriously undermined by him mentioning a few minutes later that his wife was in the audience.

And, yes, despite having Elton's willing help, we didn't exactly manage to get the music to start and stop as precisely as we would normally do.

But, oh, what a lovely, lovely crowd - happy (not just because of the cheap drinks, we think), welcoming, generous with their praise afterwards, and absolutely up for it. As we left the venue, we were treated to a standing ovation - it was Grafty Green all over again! All this, and great music from Elton himself - what's not to like?

A special mention goes to our barman who, at the very end, asked us if we took all shapes and sizes of woman at our class. "Definitely," we said.

"And I suppose you tell them all that they can be sexy no matter what they look like?" he asked. "Abso-bloomin'-lutely," we said.

"That's fantastic," he said. "I love it. All power to you!"

Isn't it great when an utter stranger completely gets what you do!

Yours, happy to do it all over again,

Burlicious x

16 Feb 2014

No quivering lower lips, now!

Remember, showgirls, no dancing this Wednesday - it's half term. 

We're back to gorgeousness on Wednesday 26th February! Hurrah!

Yours, taking the weight off our stilettos,

Burlicious x

PS: Tales from our entertaining escapade at the Angling Club yesterday night will follow soon!

13 Feb 2014

Fishing for compliments

Rehearsals yesterday for our appearance this coming weekend at the Angling Club's Valentine's bash. Interestingly, we found some brand new ways to b*gger up some of our most familiar routines. Truly, our creativity knows no bounds!

Now, what shall we wear to delight the local fisher folk and the lovely Elton John-alike whose second act we'll be opening? The whole mermaid thing looks nice but doesn't really work with heels and we sense potential props disaster if we try to marry enormous 1970's spectacles with boas and headdresses.

And, please, no suggestions about rods.

Sou'wester burlesque, anyone?

Yours, on the crest of a wave,

Burlicious x

6 Feb 2014


... with laughter. Ah, how we love those magical moments when one of the troupe confidently, sassily, b*ggers it up, just as happened last night.

What's lovely about our friendly host of showgirls and our rather informal style is that we are all genuinely tickled when it goes wrong. There's nothing to match that fantastic combination of giving it all you've got, stepping out in style and with great panache, and then having it slowly dawn on you that you're the only one doing what you're doing and that you have gone absolutely, unmistakably, unambiguously....wrong.

Cue laughter; a hurried recovery; and then a battle with irrepressible giggles through the rest of the routine, shoulders shaking all the time.

What a tonic for the soul! We must bottle this and sip it delicately through the rest of the week whenever life is less entertaining.

Yours, giggling now at the memory,

Burlicious x

1 Feb 2014

An enchantment of showgirls

We gave a warm welcome last Wednesday to our new showgirls and to an old, and much loved, routine. It's a sassy little number (I'm talking now about the routine, although the description would apply equally well to our new joiners) and it always makes us feel as if we should be in a saloon bar in a Western, draped over a honky-tonk piano, dressed in little laced-up booties and a froth of short petticoats. It has a delicious, blowsy, "experienced woman about town" feel to it.

Of course, the addition of canes to the routine also gives rise (pun intended) to some lovely comedy moments when things don't go quite to plan.

To be serious here for a minute, it never ceases to amaze us how we can take a scruffy hall, a troupe of dance amateurs and a wide variety of female body shapes; then add some gorgeous outfits, some sexy moves and a lot of laughter; and suddenly we have a group of women all moving in time to the music looking absolutely bloody fabulous both individually and as a whole.

It's magic, that's what it is.

Yours, having our witchy way with female beauty,

Burlicious x

23 Jan 2014

Properly propped up

We had a hilarious close last night to our cheeky little routine to "Guy What Takes His Time".

Whilst instructing our showgirls to dance facing each other so that they would be able to dance the routine anywhere "despite the destruction" (a small Freudian petticoat on my part - I meant to say "despite the distraction"), I soon realised that "dancing despite the destruction" was much nearer the mark.

We had brolly spokes firmly attaching themselves to the back of corsets and refusing to let go. We had brollies collapsing at will and/or turning themselves mischievously inside out. We had brolly handles leaping energetically up corset fronts and staying snugly put. We had brolly tips caught in tights; brollies mysteriously getting behind showgirls when they should have been in front; and a particularly badly-behaved brolly being passed superstitiously from showgirl to showgirl in the vain hope of finding someone who could show it who was boss.

All this plus the sudden disturbing realisation as I sat on the floor, open brolly between my outstretched legs, that my brolly had "Hello, little lamb" written on it. At least, we agreed, it didn't say "Hello pussy".

Yours, wondering whether we're doing the right thing in arming our showgirls with canes next week,

Burlicious x

9 Jan 2014

Treats for good girls

What a cracking start to the year!

Our next public performance is already in the diary.

Our very own Davida Bailey has just completed the year's first fabulous photoshoot (and, if we say so ourselves, the fruits of her labour are positively delicious - retro showgirl on a leopard-skin throne, anyone?).

And yesterday we settled down with a film crew who had come to Burlicious Towers keen to capture our story so far and to hear about our plans for the future. More of that anon - watch this space!

Given time, people, we will bring the magic of Burlicious to the world.

Yours, wondering how the Sparkly Bra Pixie will get her substantial showgirl wardrobe on to the plane,

Burlicious x




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