23 Dec 2015

Merry Christmas and a Burlicious New Year!


A fabulous Christmas to all our readers from us and from our new showgirl mascot, Tallulah.

May your Christmas sparkle like sequins and may your stockings be beautifully filled.

Have a great time and we look forward to seeing our showgirls (and any new joiners and/or intrigued test drivers) back at class in January, squodged appealingly into yer smalls.

In the meantime, enjoy!

Yours, unlacing our stays,

Burlicious x


17 Dec 2015

Fairy wings, reindeer antlers, saucy Santa knickers and oodles of red velvet trimmed with fluffy white – yes, last night was the last class before Christmas for Burlicious.

We had a positive bevy of Santa’s little helpers all clipping about in heels and fishnets. Well, somebody has to get Santa’s (ahem) spirits up before the big night, don’t they? Positively heart-warming, it was, to hear the jingle of sleigh bells in the background every time that the Voluptuous Jules shook her glorious stuff.

So, showgirls, off you go to your important task of spreading joy, sparkles and a judicious bit of smut over the lives of your nearest and dearest this Christmas. We look forward to seeing you report for duty again on the 6th January for another delicious Burlicious year and more leg waving; chair straddling, high stepping hours of fun, sexiness and giggles.

Yours, with enormous hugs,


Burlicious x

11 Dec 2015

Saddle up and ride 'em, Showgirl!

Apologies for our silence recently. Normal life has been rather getting in the way of our capacity to chat to you. However, blog or no blog, you'll be relieved to know that our weekly dose of deliciousness in the shape of our regular class has been being administered as usual. The show, my darlings, always goes on.

We're slinking to a close with our latest suggestive little routine. Our showgirls have mistressed the "take off glove using shoe" move (which is prettier than it sounds, if a bit tricky to pull off. Ha! See what we did there?! "Pull off" - geddit?). They've blindfolded themselves beautifully with that same glove without any catastrophe. We must say that it's all coming along very nicely.

This week we introduced a move that, if done over-enthusiastically, does look a tad as if we're flossing our gusset. Now, the need for clean drawers in case of being run over is obviously a cornerstone of a nicely brought up laydee's life. However, too vigorous a see-sawing motion of the glove through the legs is not necessarily the best way to achieve that standard of presentability.

That and the vigorous mount and dismount of the chair has the potential to bring rather too much of the rodeo into the routine.

Frankly, dear reader, it's only our sheer gorgeousness that enables us to carry off these carry ons so glamorously.

Yours, yee-hahing for beauty,

Burlicious x

28 Nov 2015

Our light under a bushel

Our lovely photographer, Katy Paige-McLean (NB: it's not her work below :-) ), currently has her own exhibition of photographs in a local art gallery. Alerted to the fact that the show includes a photo of the troupe backstage at a recent event, we popped in to have a look. And there we are, at the top of the spiral staircase, in a gorgeous pre-performance line up.

A small group of people were feasting their eyes on our picture when we got there. "Oooh," says one, "isn't that pretty?".

She's right. It is.

Bizarrely, they didn't connect me in my scruffy "doing my Saturday chores" outfit with the glamorous creatures in the photo. I guess it's pretty much the same experience for that Dita Von Teese.

Yours, flying under the international superstar radar,

Burlicious x


19 Nov 2015

Like thistledown

We love how much our class makes us laugh. It's a proper tonic.

Our current routine has a chair move where we sit down, face the audience and take the legs wiiiiide apart sharpish. Seated as I am with my back to our troupe, I was treated to the fairylike sound of 28 showgirl hooves, all slamming into the floor at once.

Now, we do like to make the Earth move for our audience, but we don't necessarily want to knock 'em off their seat with a tidal wave of sound.

There's nothing wrong with a bit of clog dancing (OK, maybe there is) but it's not quite the sultry, seductive, temptress of a thing that we aspire to be.

But it is quite funny, and that's always a treat.

What they'll make of the blindfold move, we can only speculate. It could be like the zombie apocalypse out there next week.

 We love you to bits, Showgirls - you never fail to lighten our week.

Yours, bringing slapstick to burlesque,

 Burlicious x

11 Nov 2015

Smokin'

We wanted to create a sexy, sultry, femme fatale of a new routine for our latest number - something altogether grown up, knowing and experienced. Something that would make our showgirls feel utterly delicious when they danced it. Something that would send audiences home to bed feeling, well, perkier.

As we worked on the thing here at Burlicious Towers, we became increasingly concerned that we might have created something beautiful but just a bit too elegant and restrained. We mused over and discarded the Voluptuous Jules' creation of a move she called "Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, woof, woof, woof" (we'll leave that one to your imagination) and steered away from the hilarious but way too obvious heavy hint at fellatio using a glove. And we were left with something sinuous and seductive and smooth... but just a tad sedate.

Or so we thought.

It turns out (we find on our launch of it tonight) that when we're not dancing it in our cardies and our slippers in the kitchen; and when we translate it to its proper setting of a dozen showgirls in heels and corsets and stockings and fishnets and, oooh, so many gorgeous bits of femininity, it looks absolutely bloomin' scorching.

This, my lovelies, is definitely what the people want.

Yours, preparing for encores,

Burlicious x

22 Oct 2015

In the ear of the beholder

As it is a sad fact that our practice equipment doesn't quite match the dizzy heights of our choreography. In our current routine, we have a lovely move whereby we place the right knee on the seat of a chair and then the left toe so that we're kneeling up on the chair, arm raised high, in a sort of gorgeous Cabaret move. It looks beautiful.

Now, our homely little church hall has hard, red plastic chairs which, while practical, are a little bit like kneeling on concrete. The day after class often produces a flurry of photos of knees adorned with small, round bruises.


To our delight, some padded, "leatherette"" chairs have recently made an appearance. Careful tests last week revealed that they are a lot kinder on showgirl knees.

However, the rip-roaring chorus of fart-like noises that they produce later on in the routine as we swivel on our arse from one side of the chair to another has to be heard to be believed. Imagine a full-on, comedy raspberry, in the fine tradition of fart cushions and kids' playgrounds. Now multiply that by a number of showgirls. Now superimpose that soundtrack on the seductive picture of a showgirl troupe demurely sliding from one side of a chair to the other, hands coyly on knees. It is, quite literally a show stopper, producing tears of helpless laughter and cries of: "Oh, my God! Was that you?!"

It's hard work being a sex goddess, it really is.

Yours, parping for beauty,

Burlicious x






14 Oct 2015

Lights, camera, action

Almost two years ago we performed at a Christmas Variety Show. We had, as always when out and about with our showgirls, a blast. However, we must admit that we were relegated to the dressing room equivalent of the naughty step – hidden away under the rafters with some industrial ducting and all manner of items clearly “not wanted on voyage” any time soon.

This weekend we performed at the same venue for one of our lovely showgirls and we had the best dressing room.

No anxieties about putting stuff on the floor – unlike a previous experience of changing in the gents.

No helpful barmen dashing in and out suddenly needing to get vital supplies from the fridges – unlike one experience of changing in the kitchen behind the bar.

No feeling our way in the pitch black over rolls of carpet and random bits of hardboard behind the stage to make our entrance onstage.

No MC appearing in our dressing room asking if we could tape up his trousers.

No getting changed at Burlicious Towers and then creeping through nearby gardens to appear as a complete and utter surprise, in someone’s dining room.

Our new dressing room was positively idyllic by comparison.

To top it all, we had our own photographer, the lovely Katy Paige-Mclean (who took the photo accompanying this post), with us and, boy, did she do us proud.

We’re quite taken with this new level of comfort and pampering, we must say. We liked it as much as we liked the enthusiastic chap who shouted: “Right. All back to mine!” at the end of our first number.  
Now, if we can just get someone to ensure that we’re supplied with champagne and chocolates before we start, we think we could really take to this way of life.

Yours, purring contentedly,


Burlicious x

8 Oct 2015

Supporting our assets

Feathers are a-fluffing here at Burlicious Towers in preparation for tomorrow’s performance by us and some of our showgirls at the big birthday bash of one of our gorgeous number. We had a cracking rehearsal at our little hall last Saturday, excitingly fueled by cupcakes, and we finished by inviting our Props Manager to join us to take charge of the music.

Travelling home with him, we were discussing the complications of changing on the night from our posh evening outfits into our showgirl attire and back again. The unaccustomed challenge of the stick-on bra cups needed for the posh frock and the implications of that for the undergarments for the showgirl outfit were (ahem) front and centre of the debate.

“Hmm,” said our Props Manager thoughtfully, “we need a tit plan,” and he sat back contentedly for a proper muse on the topic.

There are times, Dear Reader, when that man really, really loves his work.

Yours, spreading cheer among the workers,

Burlicious x

1 Oct 2015

The erection section

Can you imagine what it must be like to be a proper, professional, serious dancer? How on earth do they get through hour after hour of grueling rehearsal and demands for utter physical perfection without a jaunty bit of banter, a shared delight in individual cock ups, and a generous sprinkling of double entendres?

Much as we fancy doing more Burlicious classes than we do now, and important though it is to us to put on a bloomin' good show whenever we do perform, we are very clear that the process by which we get to our result is every bit as important to us as the finished article. Hence the delight last night at the re-christening of a bit of cane work as the erection section and the shared smiles when discussing adaptations to be made to one particular move to account for differences in arm length and in generosity and shape of derriere.

As one new joiner remarked to me at the end of the class: "You've got a great bunch of women here." Yes, we have, we really have. And that's at least half of what this is all about. If it's not supportive, and warm, and fun, what would be the point in doing it?

Yours, happily amateur,

Burlicious x

26 Sep 2015

Like moths to a flame

A couple of gentlemen wandered into our dance hall this week before class began, asking permission to cut through to get to the upper floor.

"No problem," says I, "but you'll need to be back through this door and away before 8 o'clock, because I'll have a hall full of women skipping around in their knickers in here from then on."

"Oooh," says a disembodied male voice from the corridor, "you had better not let the vicar hear that!"

And, lo and behold, the vicar (for it was he who had uttered these words) came through the door.

Now, loyal readers of this blog will know that we have previously had a "Showgirl and the Vicar" encounter of high farce in the last church hall that we used for the class. Purely coincidentally, I am sure, we were then asked to sling our hook from that hall and to grace it with our business no longer. Happily, in cheery contrast, this vicar shook me warmly by the paw,said he was entirely unbothered, and trotted off upstairs after his mates.

I thank the patron saint of showgirls that we had not already started our dance routine for the night. It's "Turn Back O Man", a jaunty little number from Godspell that includes the immortal line: "Come here, Jesus - I've got something to show you!"

Coincidentally, that's exactly what we were dancing the last time that we had the vicar round. I'm beginning to think that it's the routine itself that draws men of the cloth to our class like bears to honey.

It's a funny old world, isn't it?!

Yours, on our very best behaviour,

Burlicious x


28 Aug 2015

Scorching!



Yes, moves so hot that the Burlicious choreography angels had to remove their slippers to cope with them yesterday.

Seriously.

It must be said - our minxyness knows no bounds.

We're working away at a number of things at the moment:

  • our deliciously immodest new routine
  • arrangements to perform at the birthday party of one of our gorgeous showgirls in a few weeks' time
  • and the glimmer of a possibility that we might be asked to return to one of our favourite venues next year. Shhh, Secret Squirrel. It may well not happen, but, if it does, it'll be a cracker of a night!
All this and the Sparkly Bra Pixie doing a natty little hornpipe yesterday (no double entendre of any kind intended) and the usual car crash of dance moves and mayhem that is Burlicious At Work - pure genius. 

Less than a fortnight until we're back to class, showgirls. Get yer feathers and your fishnets ready. The countdown to an autumn of gorgeousness has begun.

Yours, in suspense and suspenders,

Burlicious x




14 Aug 2015

Showgirls behaving badly

Yesterday's choreography session was against a backdrop of particularly apt weather - steamy, sultry and stormy. Yep, we've decided that our next new routine should be a dirty little number - a straightforward bit of sensuality and invitation.

As ever, the creative process here at Burlicious Towers is punctuated by gales of laughter; biscuits; looks of complete incomprehension; ridiculous moves (swiftly culled) and sweat. We love it. It's hard work, but, boy, is it fun. :-)

Our delectable troupe will be pleased to know that the "and now I take you from behind" move won't be in the final number.

Probably.

Hold onto your gussets, showgirls - if you liked our Nasty, Naughty Boy, we think you'll like this one too!

Yours, enjoying our licence to misbehave,

Burlicious x

27 Jul 2015

And... relax!

Well, here we are at the end of another Burlicious dancing year - corsets packed away; gloves laundered; boas fluffing themselves in the garden breeze; and time for some plotting and planning.

Term ended with triumphant mastery of "Rock On", and only the odd splintered derriere to show for it. We showgirls are 'ard, tho', well 'ard - we take whatever that floor throws at us (sometimes, apparently, very uneven gravity) and we glide on gorgeously, with only the odd perfectly chosen swear word to hint at the flesh wounds that we collect in the name of our art.

The summer holidays ahead promise afternoons of choreography as well as planning for the birthday event this Autumn of one of our beauties, where we will be strutting our stuff in her honour. We love doing events with and for our girls - it makes for the best possible night out.

So, my darlings, class is over for the summer. We'll update you now and then on progress over the next few weeks, but otherwise it's a temporary "so long" until we sizzle and sashay our way into September and a brand dance term starting on the 9th. Do join us!

Yours, loosening our stays and taking the weight off our stillies,

Burlicious x


16 Jul 2015

Dreamy deliciousness

We entertained ourselves last night with a new (old) routine to take us through the last two weeks of term. It's a langorous, sinuous number - a neat, subtle and contained little thing. Of course, it does start off on the floor with that well-known dance move, the Upended Beetle.

Hmm. Well, initially that was how it looked last night. As I took to the stage to demonstrate, all I could see was a sea of unconvinced showgirl faces and the air was positively teeming with "are you serious?!" thought bubbles.

But, as always, our troupe conquered it and soon we had wave upon wave of legs going in then up then in then up in sultry synchronised rhythm to the shouted instructions of me and the Sparkly Bra Pixie in our Sergeant Major harmonious duet.

We do love it when a plan comes together.

And, as one of our beauties later announced: "who would have thought that you could dance like that to David Essex?"


Do pop round, David. We're sure that you would be chuffed to see what we have done with your work.

Yours, Rocking On,

Burlicious x

9 Jul 2015

The showgirl wardrobe - the gift that keeps on giving

Part of the joy of what we do comes from dressing up in the sort of clothing that is inappropriate in just about any other external setting (what our showgirls do in the privacy of their own home is entirely up to them, natch!). This joy is a multi-layered experience.

First, there is the pleasure of acquiring the showgirl wardrobe - whether that's shopping with a mate; browsing the internet; or a few of us getting together for an afternoon of crafty invention - seeking out and/or creating these daft little fripperies of satin, sequins, feathers and sparkles is great fun.

Secondly, there's the getting ready for class. This is a joy shared as our partners are pressed into service as dressers and/or as transparency and "revealingness" checkers (their opinion in this latter regard is not always reliable). Hot Wednesday is now enshrined in a number of households as something to look forward to.

Thirdly, there's the joy of going to class, admiring fellow showgirls in their finery and being complimented in turn. There's also the bonus laugh gained from unexpected costume malfunctions and surprises - I count among those last night's repeated experience of being swatted in the gusset by the Sparkly Bra Pixie's plait.

Fourthly, there's the absolute bloomin' gorgeous sight of seeing a troupe of showgirls, in their individual but themed performance best, filling a stage with colour and sparkle. Can't beat it.

Fifthly, there's the clothes swap. That's when we get together to find new homes for mistake purchases, or simply to hand on once much-loved outfits in the interests of freeing up wardrobe space for new acquisitions (hurrah!). There's fizz. There's cake. There's serious browsing. What's not to like?

Then there's the joy of seeing fripperies that were once yours looking absolutely gorgeous on another showgirl at the next class.

And, finally, at the end of every clothes swap, there's the trip to the charity shop with the items that didn't go home with a new owner. I did this a couple of weeks ago and the two ladies to whom I handed our bag of colourful bits of nonsense were thrilled. "It's just some daft stuff that we wear for dancing" says I. "Yes, we can see that," says they, knowingly. "That lot'll be going in the window".

So you see, you think that we're just skipping about enjoying ourselves in class when, actually, we are engaged in responsible recycling and brightening up the lives of others and our local surroundings. It's an onerous job, but we're up to it.

Yours, polishing up the credit cards,

Burlicious x

3 Jul 2015

Meltingly gorgeous

A blazing June Saturday afternoon provided a fitting backdrop to our most recent Burlicious half-day workshop. Thankfully, we chose a dreamy, quietly sensuous routine for the occasion, rather than one of our more strutting, fast-moving ones. Even so, we were definitely glowing after three hours' showgirlery!

Our weekend workshops are a great opportunity for women who can't get to our regular weekday class to have a taste of the Burlicious experience. We love having new women join us and seeing them go from slightly apprehensive to giving it their all in just three hours.

There's always time for a giggle. From the upended, leg-waving beetle effect at the beginning of this particular routine; through the inevitable: "which left? My left?" or women scampering about in different directions whilst trying to master a bit of step tap; to the "aaargh!" with petulant stamping brought on when feet just don't go in the direction that the brain communicates; there are always plenty of opportunities for cock ups and calamities.

And then, at the end, it all suddenly comes together and the troupe moves as one, looking just, well, just quite simply beautiful.

It wasn't just the chocolate cake that oozed deliciously in the heat, showgirls, nor was it just the fizz that sparkled - you were all bloomin' lovely.

Yours, impatient to do it all again,

Burlicious x

25 Jun 2015

Now we are six

Yes, seriously – today Burlicious is six years old.

Six sultry, strutting, sashaying, suggestive, sexy and just plain sassy years in our corsets and heels, doing our thang with our troupe of gorgeous showgirls.

Blimey! What a triumph of titivation and titillation!

From our very first days, working out our brand new routines in a teeny dance studio where we could see no more than our legs in the mirror, to our current position as pillars of the local entertainment establishment… or something like that.

Join us in looking back fondly at six years of hilarity, creativity, cock ups, classes, performances, friendship, rapturous applause, wardrobe malfunctions, stick-on diamanté, feathers and fun - all the while seeing women blossom in confidence as they dance with us and reconnect with their inner showgirl.

May your dreams be showered with sequins, my lovelies. We truly are very lucky to have fallen into doing this.

Yours, designing zimmer frame routines for the future,

Burlicious x

17 Jun 2015

Eee, but they're game girls!

Tonight, I turned on our beautiful music machine and it refused to utter so much as a squeak (thank you for that, Messrs Bang & Olufsen - I shall be sending the girls round to sort you aaht... and not in a good way).

Desolate, we gave the troupe the option of retrieving their hard-earned dosh and heading home without a class. To a showgirl, they elected to stay and to bodge through the class in some way or another.

That old British spirit of invention did the rest. One of our talented number immediately took to the church piano and gave us a fabulous warm up number on the old ivories. Another produced an iPhone and offered it as a replacement music player. Propped up on the stage and cranked up to maximum volume it created barely a whisper at the back of the room, leaving our showgirls there reliant almost entirely on visual cues to know where they were in the song.

Already one down in the shape of the Sparkly Bra Pixie, the Voluptuous Jules and I tried to dance as quietly as we could so as not to drown out the teeny tiny sound of the music. At one point in the number, there's a fabulous BOOM BOOM BOOM of hips from side to side - sadly, on the iPhone, that was completely inaudible at the back of the room. It became my job to shout BOOM BOOM BOOM like some excitable Basil Brush at the appropriate moment. Otherwise, big chunks of the class took place in mouselike silence as we all held our breath and strained to hear the music.

Trust me, for an amateur troupe, when we perform, we do a really good job. However, what the public never sees is the sheer bodgery that goes on behind the scenes. Tonight was us at our most ridiculous - inaudible music, badly cued by yours truly; and the need for manic concentration by the troupe. And you know what? Our showgirls still managed to master a new chunk of the routine.

Thank you for your positivity and for the laughs, showgirls - we think you're bloomin' brilliant!

Yours, wondering about mime as an art form,

Burlicious x

4 Jun 2015

Tripping the light fantastic

What a fabulous, knockabout, hilarity-filled, car crash of a dance class it was last night. We're at a point in the routine that interweaves:

  • each showgirl doing the same thing but one beat apart
  • different showgirls doing different things at the same time
  • and all of us doing the same thing, trekking in a line like a little series of linked elephants and trying our damnedest not to kick each other in the kneecaps.
It's a surefire recipe for gales of laughter and squeaks of disbelief that we can get the same simple step wrong, time after time after time. To the shouted serenade of "bob flick bob flick bob flick bob flick HALF MOON!" by the Sparkly Bra Pixie and me, we make our way across the room, different showgirls going up and down randomly like a little series of undulating caterpillars.

It's a joy to behold.

In other news, the slow, intertwined grind that was testing the troupe last week is now being managed with aplomb.

Next week, we'll be on to some high kicks and a crisp "ta dah" that'll have the unwary chopping each other off at the ankle.

Poetry in motion, my lovelies, poetry in motion.

Yours, still grinning like a loon,

Burlicious x

21 May 2015

Only on the third date

Our current routine is unusual for us in that it requires us to dance very closely with each other - sometimes face cheek resting on forearm resting on bum cheek of another showgirl; other times three showgirls abreast, arms entwined and thighs touching for a slow, coordinated, deliberate grind of the hips. Practising this last night, one trio of showgirls remarked that, normally, there wouldn't be this much bodily contact until at least the third or fourth date.

That could well be true (we couldn't possibly comment). Mind you, there probably wouldn't be this many belly laughs either, at least, not without a lot more alcohol.

We know that we keep going on about this, but there's no denying that our Wednesday night class is an absolute tonic. It never fails to put a smile on our face and a lift in our step.

And that's despite me being swatted in the gusset by the Sparkly Bra Pixie's plaited pigtail last night.

Not a lot of people can say that.

Yours, ready for more after half term,

Burlicious x


14 May 2015

These are a few of our favourite things

Our showgirls are all different shapes and sizes. And they all look bloomin' lovely. Tall ones, short ones, curvy ones, slender ones, blondes, brunettes and redheads - dress 'em up in their Wednesday finest and every one of them is an absolute treat to behold. Put them together in a troupe and they look fantastic.

Our showgirls are game for a laugh. They'll tackle any move that we throw at them, pumping the air with clenched fist in triumph when they get it right and giggling like loons when they don't. It's a positive tonic spending an hour with them as they learn a routine.

Our showgirls are nice to each other. B*llocks [technical dancing term] to all this tosh that women have to be bitchy and competitive with each other. Our lovelies help each other to get moves right; notice new outfits; compliment each other; swap clothes with each other; and help to make our rare nights out together a really great time.

Our showgirls allow us to make a complete pig's ear of it at least once a class, whether it's a costume malfunction or a sudden attack of amnesia about what comes next.

Yeah, apart from all that, we're not sure why we bother with 'em. ;-)

Yours, in with a good crowd,

Burlicious x




30 Apr 2015

In search of smokey sexiness

No sooner do we launch a new routine than we start thinking about the next. And we do like to vary the tempo and tone from number to number. Recently, we’ve crafted an intimate, upbeat version of “All About That Bass”; a sassy, slightly “end of the Pier show” bawdy version of “When You’re Good To Mama”; and a dreamy, sensuous version of “The Other Woman”.

Now we’re ready for a bit of honest smut. Which is where you come in, you gorgeous things.

One of our crowd pleasers is the glorious routine we created years ago to “Nasty Naughty Boy”, by Christina Aguilera. It’s a gift of a song – obvious lyrics; growly, bedtime vocals; and big, blowsy trumpets. Have a listen to it on iTunes or something similar (we use the version from her album “Back to Basics”) to see what we mean. In our gloved hands it’s an experienced woman’s invitation to a whole load of fun!

We would like another song like that, please. Any suggestions?

Do drop us a line on burlicious@gmail.com with any little ditty that you think would do the trick, or contact us via Facebook. Think of it as doing a small service to humanity – if you help us to find the perfect, slinky, sexy, smouldering soundtrack, you will be making a number of people very happy!

Yours, choreography slippers at the ready J,


Burlicious x

23 Apr 2015

Up close and personal

Last night the new term opened with a bang (if you'll pardon the expression) with the unveiling of our gorgeous new routine. This one is a jaunty little number designed for threesomes.

It's rare for us to be so close to and intimate with each other when we dance - apart from those occasions when we're performing in teeny, tiny venues. In this routine we are cheek by jowl with each other. Literally.

Indeed, as we demonstrated the routine to the troupe for the first time, there was some sort of gravity anomaly underfoot and I teetered dangerously, saving myself only by planting my top half rather more quickly than I had planned on the Sparkly Bra Pixie's rear end. And a delicious and comfy rear end it is too, I must say.

So, showgirls, here's our advice as we progress with this routine. Embrace the bigger gusset. Eschew any treacherous dangly bits on your outfit that might attach themselves to the woman dancing next to you. Ensure that your shoes won't part company with you when we get to the high kicks.

And be kind with that little arse slap - it's a pat of approval and delight that you're bestowing, not a royal hiding! :-)

Yours, loving your work, ladies, just loving your work,

Burlicious x


17 Apr 2015

Shimmy into summer

At last it's time to come back to class!

Throw off your practical outfits; slide into the kind of number that would get you arrested in the supermarket; and wiggle yourself over to our intimate little hall for a brand new term.

Class starts again on Wednesday 22nd April at our usual time of 8pm.


Even better, we'll be launching our brand new routine, so everyone who comes will be learning the routine from scratch.

It's absolutely the perfect time to try Burlicious for the first time, or to come back to our corsetted bosom if life has stolen you away for a while. And, our delicious showgirl regulars, we hope that it goes without saying that we're also looking forward to high-stepping it across that floor with you again.

Yours, waiting for Wednesday,

Burlicious x

13 Apr 2015

Fun, fizz, fondant fancies and a flutter of showgirl feathers

Back by popular demand is the little gem that is the Burlicious Summer Workshop. Sashay yourself over to see us for three hours of fun, feathers and frivolity - no previous showgirl experience needed.

So here's how these events go. We start with a gentle warm up. Then we go over some of the basic showgirl moves in detail. Those of you who come to our Wednesday classes but who have never had the chance to go back to basics, now's your chance. Absolute beginners - this is the ideal introduction for you! Then we teach you a gorgeous showgirl routine from scratch. Finally, it's off with the heels for a cool down and stretch out.

Oh, and there's somehow time for a glass of fizz or two.

And cake. There's always cake.

More details are on the right. If you fancy it, email us on burlicious@gmail.com to bag a place, or message us on Facebook, or book in with us when you next come to class.

We love our workshops - they're a hoot!

Yours, looking forward to another little cracker,

Burlicious x

2 Apr 2015

Something to follow

Another term of titivation and titters ends. A small, but perfectly formed, troupe of showgirls made a handsome job of the back end of Lady Marmalade last night (if you'll excuse the expression). We do love this working girls' ditty - it's all hips and sass.

Classes start again on 22nd April, my lovelies, with the unwrapping of our brand new routine. I learnt today that, when we were in the garden at Burlicious Towers last week, capturing this little number on video, my neighbour was hard at work in her office. Imagining that the noise, the music and the laughter were, in her words: "a bunch of teenage girls having a rave in the middle of the bloody day", she tiptoed up to her balcony to see what was going on. And there we were, scampering about in our mis-matched outfits on the decking and trying to stay out of the pond whilst high-kicking our socks off (very nearly literally). What elfin little glamour pusses we are, to be sure!


Lastly, do pop 27th June in your diary if you fancy an afternoon workshop with us. More details next week but it'll be a chance to go over our building block dance moves; learn a routine from scratch; have a laugh; and then re-balance the body carefully with a bit of fizz and cake.

Yours, full of treats to come,

Burlicious x

26 Mar 2015

And do-si-do your partner

It's a Burlicious tradition in the last week of teaching a routine that we prepare our lovelies to dance it in an unfamiliar environment. That means getting our showgirls to turn the dance around and dance facing in different directions to the one they're used to.

Often we'll set up lines of beauties to dance in different directions at the same time. It's always a bit of a head-scratcher and brilliantly entertaining. Suddenly, a routine that the troupe knows inside out becomes a routine in which we haven't got the faintest idea which direction to step in next (note that I do not suggest that we Burlicious Three are reliably immune from this spatial confusion!).

It requires much, much more concentration to dance the thing when you're distracted by a line of showgirls facing you dancing, quite correctly, in the opposite direction to the one you're going in.

All the tell-tale signs of a bit of brain stretch were there last night - frowns of serious concentration; glassy-eyed determination not to look at another showgirl and the direction she might be going in for fear of getting confused; lost showgirls turning round to find that the rest of the class is heading towards them; and that giveaway "step, ooh no, recover and retreat" motion that looks a little bit like a small and very fast Irish jig on the spot.

 Who needs crosswords and sudoku? This stuff gives us all the mental workout we need!

Yours, with brain nicely flexed,

 Burlicious x

19 Mar 2015

Showgirl Relief

What a fabulous treat for a Monday night - three dozen showgirls looking absolutely delicious, all shaking their groove thang with us to raise money for Comic Relief. We Burlicious Three, along with a sprinkling of our regular beauties, took the gorgeous women of Active Life in Canterbury through a feisty rendition of “Lady Marmalade” and a good time was had by all.

We were tickled pink to see so many of our first-time showgirls kitted out in corsets and heels and just as delighted that others came along in their comfortable workout gear. It proves our point that you don’t need a wardrobe full of sequins, fishnets and stilettoes to enjoy our class. All you need is to give yourself up to the music, flash a bit of female attitude, and to shimmy, bump and grind like a good ‘un. And smile!

We had a ball, ladies. Thank you for joining us. It was very satisfying afterwards to see the Burlicious signature of a sea of multi-coloured feathers on the floor. It was even more entertaining to watch that carpet of feathers take on a life of its own as the feathers raced across the floor in blasts of fierce air-conditioning!

And for those of you new showgirls who want more and who can’t make our regular class, remember, we're running an afternoon workshop on Saturday 27th June. Go on, treat yourself and book in. You know you want to!

Yours, floating on feathers,

Burlicious x



12 Mar 2015

Coming to see our etchings

Off we trotted on Saturday to be a surprise present for a birthday boy as he turned fifty. It was a lovely event – a small crowd; a roaring open fire (very hot under the boa!); a delightful dressing room; champagne; and a very, very appreciative birthday boy.

“That’s etched on my retina now for ever,” he repeated happily as we chatted afterwards. He then gazed admiringly at the curves of the Voluptuous Jules, asking wistfully if she ever did a Tinkerbell number. “Well,” said Jules musingly, “she is a very naughty fairy…”

The Sparkly Bra Pixie and I have often said that we could make a fortune just hiring that woman out on a “look, but don’t touch” basis. The Voluptuous Jules says that there’s a word for that, and it isn’t a nice one.

We left our birthday boy asking us if we were staying for breakfast and wondering if he could afford to have us dance for him every week. It’s nice to be appreciated.

Yours, sprinkling birthday fairy dust on some happy lives,

Burlicious x


5 Mar 2015

Sweet Charity

It’s official, my little chickadees – we’ll be doing our bit for Comic Relief on Monday 16th March by running a one-off class for Active Life in Canterbury. We’ll be taking our special blend of sashaying, strutting and shimmying to that hallowed hall of fitness to enrapture the gym bunnies and captivate the regular class goers. It promises to be great fun.

If you fancy it, drop everything and book in now.

Mind you, I think we had better not use the head mike. Much as we fancy mincing about, Madonna-style, in our corset and heels, I’m not sure how our normal shouted instructions of “T*TS!” and “LEFT… BUTTOCK!” will be received if they are boomed out to those who are demurely getting on with working up a sweat in other parts of the building.

On the other hand, who knows? It may very well catch on!

Yours, hitching up the fishnets for charidee,


Burlicious x

26 Feb 2015

A surprise threesome

Class began last night with the beautiful gift of a bouquet of flowers for each of the three of us from our gorgeous showgirls.  Created in the colour schemes that we had chosen for our Valentine's Night performance and fluffed up with feathers, they were a "thank you" from our lovelies for getting them ready for the show. As my other half commented when I brought mine proudly home: "How nice that your torture victims thank you afterwards". What can he mean?!

More seriously, our big reward comes when the showgirls who dance with us tell us that they loved it; or that they're incredulous that they actually did it; or that they're seriously chuffed with themselves for doing it; or that they feel so much more confident about themselves since coming to our class. All of that is bloomin' marvellous.

On top of our floral delights, we had some lovely new joiners last night and the return of some great old friends. What could be better? We were a positive battalion of beauties as we "slide bobbed" and "Wonder Woman'd" our way across the hall floor muttering "five, six, seven, EIGHT".

It's good to be back!

Yours, loving our troupe,

Burlicious x

16 Feb 2015

Scenes from behind the dressing room door

One of the best bits about our public performances is the dressing room camaraderie that precedes them.

No, we never have quite enough space. No, it's never as glamorous or as well-appointed as we would like. But, yes, it is always, always, great fun.

Behind the scenes on Saturday we had competing bids to decide who had the most secure pants; countless changes of outfit strewn all over the place (as a troupe, we do not in any way travel light - some of us had several pairs of knickers and tights each, just in case); our MC for the night having the hem of his trouser leg rescued with masking tape; eyelash applicators; drinks; shimmery body dust galore;precautionary t*t jiggling to test the hold of various corsets; more drinks; hairdressing; label-checking; a couple more drinks; and an awful lot of barely muffled laughter.

We love this Burlicious stuff so much that we can't see us ever giving it up. We mused the future possibility of launching a sister troupe as we age and calling it Saga-licious. It immediately occurred to us that this might be mispronounced Sag-alicious, and that that might detract somewhat from our mission to improve body confidence.

Mind you, we bet that we could rock a zimmer frame as a stage prop.

Yours, all revved up and raring to go for our new term, starting Weds 25th Feb. You know you want to be there!

Burlicious x


12 Feb 2015

Hot to trot

Last night was our final rehearsal for the Valentine's Night show that we're dancing in. As a change of role, we Burlicious three installed ourselves as the audience, whooping, catcalling and generally behaving as if we had been propping up the bar for far too long. It was all very enjoyable.

Our showgirls trotted, shimmied and quickied regardless, wreathed in smiles and looking fabulous. Gloves were flung; boas were fluffed; and bazooms were jiggled gorgeously. They looked amazing.

Today, clad as I was in my huge shapeless cardigan and my spotty slippers, was less glamorous as I played Mrs Mop, rinsing out my corsets; mending my evening gloves; and gathering up necessary accessories for the night.

I do love the juxtaposition between the different parts of my life!

Showgirls - what can we say? You're ready. Now go out there and enjoy yourselves!

And for those of you who want to come back to class or who want to join us for the first time, remember that there's no class next week. Gorgeousness returns on Weds 25th Feb, and we'll start with a demure little number, teaching it from scratch.

Yours, impatient to tread those boards,

Burlicious x

29 Jan 2015

Showgirl overspill

No, not quite what you're thinking. I'm referring to the "brain so full that the legs and arms forget what they're doing" syndrome that is striking some of us at the moment.

Trying to coordinate a glove drop whilst choreographing last week, we agreed that each of us would say "drop" as we drop the glove so that the next showgirl in line would know precisely when to release her own glove. Simple. Except that, when it came to it, my brain was so full of "loosen glove, turn, remove glove, hold, then turn, stroke glove, hold it... and drop it NOW!" that I didn't have any bandwidth left in my head to say the word "drop" at the same time.

"I thought we were going to say "drop"?" says the Sparkly Bra Pixie afterwards. Yes, I did too. What I hadn't realised is that I wouldn't actually be able to form and then utter the word!

Similarly, while in rehearsal last night, I saw something I wanted to correct. I was so busy remembering it that I then hip bumped the wrong way, straight into the oncoming hip of the Voluptuous Jules. Astonished, we hung onto each other, and I could see that she was thinking: "Crap. I've gone wrong" and that all thought of the next move had now escaped her.

That and the pile up we had at Burlicious Towers when the Sparkly Bra Pixie and I trotted smartly to the right and almost ran down the Voluptuous Jules who had frozen to a halt in our path, tells me that we've still got it when it comes to our creativity at b*ggering up a perfectly nice routine in new and surprising ways.

Yours, showgirls of mystery and infinite variety,

Burlicious x


23 Jan 2015

Sisters, sisters...

Well, using all the modern tools at our disposal (tape measure; old rope; chairs) we have mapped out in our dance hall the shape of the stage that we'll next be performing on. It's the showgirl equivalent of having a couple of piled up pullovers on the grass of a beaten-up playing field and pretending that they're goalposts.

February's stage is not without its challenges and constraints. The only way that we can get all our showgirls on to our mock up stage and visible to the audience is to dance very close to one another.

Like, veeeeery close.

We have positioned behind the three of us a line of three showgirls with noticeably superior leg length to our own. The net result of this is that, when we are all bent over, rear end to the audience, our faces are nestled cosily in between a line of buttocks. And if all three of us fling out our arms fully when facing front, we're in danger of clipping each other soundly around the ear.

It made me think of that old Hollywood number "Sisters, sisters", but a comedy version where we vie for stage space and swat each other out of the way with our boa and the odd backhander. I tell you, our peripheral vision is having to work overtime!

On the other hand, having all those yummy showgirls dancing in that intimate little space, all "up close and personal", looks bloomin' delicious, it really does.

Yours, wedged into lusciousness,

Burlicious x

15 Jan 2015

When fun is sexy

There seems to be a growing assumption out there that, if you're female, the more flesh you show, the sexier you are. Girls are pressurised to show more and more as current female role models wear less and less.

We think that this is a tad simplistic.

As you know, we choose to keep our kit on when we dance. We've seen great burlesque performers of all shapes and sizes who strip down to a few sequins and who look bloomin' brilliant. That's not what we do.

Our current routine isn't overtly sexy. It's a romp of a thing. It's a cheeky, double entendre, grown up giggle. It's what, in the excitement of the moment last night, I nearly christened a "wudge wudge, nink nink" little number. As an appreciative audience member once said to me: "You look like you're having the time of your life. It's as if you're sharing an inside joke with the audience." She was spot on.

And, do you know what? That "happy with myself", fun, confident appearance is fabulously, effortlessly sexy. So, showgirls, head up, shoulders back, strutting feet on, and let's invite our Valentine's Night audience to enjoy a mischievous titter with us.

Yours, winking and wiggling,

Burlicious x

8 Jan 2015

A pleasing jiggle

Back to class last night and straight into rehearsals. We've just a few weeks in which to tighten up a routine we danced recently and to refresh another that we haven't danced for a while. Patiently, our showgirls went over and over the beginning of "When you're good to Mama", and already it's coming together.

We love the fact that, even tho' we're pretty focussed at the moment, there is still room for laughter. The "lean-over-with-bum-to-the-audience-and-shimmy" has progressed nicely from having twenty two heels clattering on the floor like a frenzy of free-range castanets to being a much more contained little number. Moreover, we're now avoiding bending so far forward that the audience would be able to see our astonished little faces upside down through our wide open legs. That's class, that is.

All this and the bonus of seeing the pearly white bosoooom of the voluptuous Jules jiggling like a firm blancmange as she trots briskly onto the stage for the opening moves suggests to us that we'll be a proper feast for the eyes.

We love getting you ready to show off in public, showgirls, we really do!

Yours, excited already,

Burlicious x

1 Jan 2015

Gird yer garters, gorgeousness is about to return!

Just a reminder, showgirls, that class starts again on Weds 7th January. Cinch those Christmas curves into a corset and come and clip about charmingly in heels with us.

Alternatively, turn up in your track suit bottoms, if that's all that currently fits, and come and shimmy about with us - we can make use of every inch!

Over the next few weeks we'll use our class time to prepare for the Valentine's Night show. Here's the deal:

  • Appearing in the show is absolutely 100% voluntary. No obligation. No expectation. No pressure. Honest
  • If you don't fancy being in the show, do still come to class - we love seeing you and don't want you to feel excluded
  • We'll be dancing "Mama" in January. Downside - there'll be no new routine until late Feb. Upside - you'll know Mama sooooo well by 14th Feb that you'll be able to camp it up to the max and really enjoy yourself every time you dance it
  • Outside our normal class, we'll also rehearse "Nasty Naughty Boy" with those who already know it. If you fancy performing that at the show, let us know!
It may be cold outside, showgirls, but we'll give you back your glow!

Yours, gearing up for glamour,

Burlicious x


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