It's tough at the top

Dahlings, dahlings, dahlings.... a brief moment of appreciation, please, for us showgirls and how we suffer for our art.

Our current routine includes a natty way of getting onto a chair (and a slightly less smooth dismount later on). Stand at left side of the chair; place left knee onto chair; swing right leg all the way round the front of the chair to the side and put right foot to floor; rock back onto left foot, straddling the chair seat; sit on chair seat, facing back of chair; and slide legs apart. Ta dah!

Fond though we are of our little dance venue, it falls, it must be said, a little short of the smooth shiny glamour of the proper dance studio.

Those chairs are made of a bobbly red plastic. Now, it's not unknown for us in other routines to get bruised knees or, occasionally, a splinter in the nether regions. Last night saw a new industrial injury when one of our lovely showgirls acquired a blistered knee by repeated grating of flesh on chair.

We know we make it look like we're gliding through these routines, dear readers, but the hidden reality is sweat and toil and sacrifice...

... and feathers, and ridiculously pleasing fripperies, and a proper giggle, and a beaming smile of satisfaction as we mistress step after step, and the sheer delight of seeing so many women look so bloomin' gorgeous.

Yeah, you're right, there are significant compensations.

Yours, stocking up on knee pads,

Burlicious x

Her infinite variety

Take 15 to 20 women.

Sprinkle them lightly across the decades, representing women in their teens, their twenties, their thirties, their forties and their fifties.

Pick a range of heights.

And a range of body shapes.

And a range of colouring (natural or otherwise :-) ).

Swathe each one in her own unique and inimitable style.

And then string them together, like sparkling individual gems, along a necklace of choreography.

And, ta dah, suddenly you have a moving, breathing, coordinated and infinitely gorgeous tableau of local womanhood - all moving as one glorious celebration of the variety and loveliness of women.

It makes us blush with pride, showgirls, how lovely you can be.

Now, fan up, hand down and BOB!

Yours, craftswomen of deliciousness  and displayers of beauty,

Burlicious x

Perfect plumage

Another delicious Burlicious term began this week with a new routine - our fan-flutteringly lovely version of, "The Other Woman".

To be fair, our rehearsal fans are a little bit, ...well, ...they're a little bit sub-optimal.

Wise as we are to the surprising amount of damage that the average Burlicious showgirl can inflict on a prop, we're using cheap fans in class. The fans are a tad on the small side and sometimes not quite as smooth on the opening and shutting as we are. Even fully open, it's a stretch of the imagination to pretend that they provide a coy modesty panel from which our showgirls can peek out temptingly.

Despite this, there is something magical in being behind the whole troupe as they flick these little fans up behind them and flutter them alluringly over the buttocks. It's colourful and exotic and like seeing the early stages of a mating dance by a bird of paradise. Minus the screeching and cawing.

You're looking fab, showgirls. Flutter yer feathers with pride!

Yours, delighted with our flock,

Burlicious x

Step right up

Feathers, frivolity and a flippin' good giggle roll back into town next Wednesday, 6th September.

Yes, we're back to class with a very well-mannered little routine - all fan fluttering and coy glances. Not quite Pride and Prejudice, we grant you. It's perhaps more of a Slink, Stroke and Shimmy, but it's a tasteful thing, nevertheless.

Rest assured, showgirls, that this brief bit of restrained good behaviour will soon be banished when we usher in the new routine - a gem that is in the choreography workshop as we speak and one that we are currently trying to grubby up a bit.

Look forward to seeing you all next week. Whether you're a regular, a brand new test driver or a returner to the fold, you're all warmly welcome. It's a new term, the start of a fresh routine, and the very best time to come along and strut yer stuff.

Yours, doing our duty for beauty,

Burlicious x